Trapped In A "happy" Marriage

First I need to say that I have a great husband.    He has flaws, nobody is perfect, but he loves me, is a good father and take good care of us.   Problem is....   he simply can't take care of my emotional needs.   It is not his fault, it is simply because he is not "the one".    I don't even know if that exist.   Is soulmate nonsense.  Maybe it is MM just a fairy tale.     I don't know.
All I know is that I always feel hollow.  Empty.   As if something major is missing from my life.   My life is filled with three children I love, a challenging job (although not something that satisfying - I feel I need to do something more creative), and lots of challenges and activities.     I do all this to escape my "dark passenger" as Dexter will call it, as I suffer from depression from time to time.   Still, my life feels empty, pointless and I crave something more.
I just wish I could meet someone and make a connection.    No sex, marriage of affair, just someone I can talk to, who gets me.......
Someone who can actually talks back.   Believe me, I tried to satisfy this need by praying  and talking to God, but I do find HIm very much unresponsive.

There, that is all I have to say
Bergop Bergop
3 Responses May 18, 2012

"Problem is.... he simply can't take care of my emotional needs..."<br />
<br />
He doesn't have to, for Heaven's sake! <br />
<br />
He is his own Being, just as you are. He has his own Journey, just as you have. What if he asked the same question: "Who will take care of my emotional needs?..."<br />
<br />
You probably could forward a petition to the educational system, so they could create a new college degree out of it: something like "Emotional needs caretaker"... XD<br />
<br />
I'm sure those who graduate it will never remain unemployed...<br />
<br />
...<br />
<br />
The thing is nobody is responsible for your own Happiness! Each person is on their own, like it or not. There are different emotional needs, as well. People are different and complex.<br />
<br />
You have to define your emotional needs, your Happiness. But then, if you are a sincere seeker, you will find that that involves a lot more luggage: it involves knowing yourself (see Socrates), knowing your limits, re-educating your vision about the world and the universe, totally shifting it from where it was stuck by those who 'loved' you when you were a kid, but forced upon you concept after concept, information after information. They knew what was 'good for you'...<br />
<br />
I'm afraid you'll have to embark on a spiritual journey and find out who you really are and what you really want. Your life choices will either reflect that, or you will go in circles. It's up to you. Nobody else is responsible for your Transformation.

Thanks for your reply. You have said some valuable things and I certainly need to find out what I need and want from my life, because THIS IS NOT IT! I have a very strong sense of duty and I do tend to put other people's needs ahead of my own. I don't know if I have enough guts to be selfish and I don't think I will be able to break the hearts of the one's closest to me. Perhaps I can find some compromise. I appreciate your input. I think that is one of my fears - that I will stand here twenty odd years from now, still stuck in this hollow, empty space dutifully doing what is expected of me. Still wearing my old faithfull masks. You gave me some food for thought.

Just start living your OWN life, while, at the same time, being completely honest with your family. They, too, have a right to know who you really are. By doing this, you both help yourself and them on the path to Sincerity, the base of real Happiness...
Then, in order to make new acquaintances, use the Internet. There are plenty of free dating sites - one is Okcupid for example - and some people there may still surprise you...

Sweetheart, I married the 'wrong' women 39 yrs ago! She's good in all the domestic/raising children/remembering birthdays caring type of things that us guys aren't so good at, but. I have never really felt a connection to her, she has never been sexually adventurous, never really got me. I am a gentle, kind & caring guy and have been a successful professional with my own practice for many years, but it never satisfied, it was just business, it never touched me inside. I too have creative needs and am only just starting to explore them, and seeking some form of sexual satisfaction as well, 'though at my age it doesn't have the urgency it once did. The point of all this history? Don't wait, you have a duty to those you love but you have a greater duty to yourself. You can bury those needs under all sorts of things but until you address them you'll never start to feel complete. Please, please, please don't be like me. Observe yourself & your life as though an outsider whilst knowing your feelings inside. What do you see? You have to look inside before you can look outside and determine a path. Trust yourself & your instincts, they mostly don't lie (well only as a mask). Until you can address this you'll never feel truly complete. Good luck.

Not bad, but it would do your wife good, too, if you let her fly free as well...

You're obviously a thoughtful guy, just not this time! You're so far off base your comment has no value.

Nevermind my value, 'wise boy'. Just be totally honest with your wife, as well, if you really wanna be a good guy. I don't care if I'm 'thoughtful' or not in your eyes...

I obviously got it wrong, forget the thoughtful, you're just a sarcastic *** with big issues you need to sort. Hope one day you manage to do that.

1 More Response