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Losing Hope

I thought I had found my soulmate when I married my ex-husband 25 years ago, even though this wasn't a "fireworks" relationship. But we were best friends and had such a solid connection with common values and goals; nothing could ever break us apart, or so I believed. But over time the connection weakened and eventually broke. We're still friends, but it's not the same. Sometimes there are "aha" moments and I feel that no one could ever understand me the way he does, but those moments are becoming more and more infrequent. We've been living apart for over 3 years and divorced for one year.

Right after we split I met someone new. This was an amazing experience for me -- the total fireworks connection, just like in a romance novel. Oh, so THIS is what everyone is talking about, I thought, OK. This guy is my soulmate. I believed we would be together forever, but he never really returned my feelings in the same way and it became very frustrating. Eventually the fireworks fizzled and we split after 2.5 years.

So, I turned to the dating sites, thinking that with this gigantic pool of men to choose from, surely my REAL soulmate would be in there and make himself known to me... but it's simply been an utter disaster of amazing proportions. I've met the most awful people, liars and creeps and stalkers. I try to approach each new possibility with optimism and joy, but it's really difficult when I know most of them are liars and/or going to hit me with some confession of total weirdness early on that I won't be able to live with. I may have some "quirks" but I'm basically a normal, smart, loving woman who wants to create a normal relationship with a man with the idea of living together and possibly getting married again. I am NOT meeting guys who are in the same situation at all. Their lives are filled with bizarre chaos and screwed-upedness, whether emotional or healthwise or financial or having to do with messed up kids, and they may never be in a position to have a real, normal living situation with a romantic partner again. 

Sometimes I wonder if it's endemic to southern California, but I'm not in a position to move anytime soon. Plus I'm not even sure it would help. I think I might simply have to accept that I'm not going to find a romantic partner and just be content with other things in life. 
Frosting Frosting 51-55, F 3 Responses Jun 2, 2012

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True love is out there so keep looking. I was fortunate to learn this first had. I know you feel time is against you but live, have fun and let love find you. It shows up sometimes when you are not even looking. Life can slap you in the face no matter where you live, I know, I ran from my life to help forget but you cannot run from your mind. The key is to deal with it. Keep going out, living life and having fun and what you seek may find you.

My experience with dating sites was also a big disaster. Most of the adds read alike. The ladies require perfection in most ways and men seem to lie a lot. An honest approach with me at least generates little interest. <br />
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Perhaps when and if it happens, one just knows it deep inside before really knowing much about the other ? At least you live in an area with a lot of people. I don't have that luxury. Maybe it proves that it does "just happen", regardless of the number of choices that are around. Beats me. If you figure it out, let me know.

The purpose of a soulmate is to remain by the side in absolute breakdown times. if you are not ready to offer that to men (who _maybe_ although just _maybe_, be your soulmate)who is in a distress, and is _maybe_ also looking for a soulmate to stand by his side in his downtime, i.e. understand him, then why the search for soulmate? correct me if i am wrong, but sounds more like, reading from this piece, that you want an afternoon romance. I am sure, there are people up for that!

No, that is what most of the dating site men are looking for, which is a major reason why I have such a hard time connecting with them. They think I'm "too serious."

ah? they are a looking for a afternoon relationship? that's crazy, because i thought the women in dating site were that way, and stopped using dating sites in 7 days... besides, dating sites, i find, are like arranged marriages, where you advertise with ****, and no one cares to discover you, just get attracted by a good advertisement...

That is true, too. It's really discouraging. I've been trying harder to meet people other ways, but that's a really slow and frustrating process as well.

all the other people i meet, and those who openly flirt with me, are taken :(

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