Losing HopeI thought I had found my soulmate when I married my ex-husband 25 years ago, even though this wasn't a "fireworks" relationship. But we were best friends and had such a solid connection with common values and goals; nothing could ever break us apart, or so I believed. But over time the connection weakened and eventually broke. We're still friends, but it's not the same. Sometimes there are "aha" moments and I feel that no one could ever understand me the way he does, but those moments are becoming more and more infrequent. We've been living apart for over 3 years and divorced for one year.
Right after we split I met someone new. This was an amazing experience for me -- the total fireworks connection, just like in a romance novel. Oh, so THIS is what everyone is talking about, I thought, OK. This guy is my soulmate. I believed we would be together forever, but he never really returned my feelings in the same way and it became very frustrating. Eventually the fireworks fizzled and we split after 2.5 years.
So, I turned to the dating sites, thinking that with this gigantic pool of men to choose from, surely my REAL soulmate would be in there and make himself known to me... but it's simply been an utter disaster of amazing proportions. I've met the most awful people, liars and creeps and stalkers. I try to approach each new possibility with optimism and joy, but it's really difficult when I know most of them are liars and/or going to hit me with some confession of total weirdness early on that I won't be able to live with. I may have some "quirks" but I'm basically a normal, smart, loving woman who wants to create a normal relationship with a man with the idea of living together and possibly getting married again. I am NOT meeting guys who are in the same situation at all. Their lives are filled with bizarre chaos and screwed-upedness, whether emotional or healthwise or financial or having to do with messed up kids, and they may never be in a position to have a real, normal living situation with a romantic partner again.
Sometimes I wonder if it's endemic to southern California, but I'm not in a position to move anytime soon. Plus I'm not even sure it would help. I think I might simply have to accept that I'm not going to find a romantic partner and just be content with other things in life.
Frosting 51-55, F 3 Responses 0 Jun 2, 2012