I had a marriage that was a nightmare. I had hoped to find a companion that would grow old with me.

After a long wait, and some situations that did not work out, I am calm about it, not looking for love in every attraction anymore. If it happens, beautiful. If not, I know I can still be happy.

I am happy for others who find it. It brings me joy to know at least someone is happily paired and experiencing love joy.
vibrante vibrante
41-45, F
2 Responses Jan 9, 2013

Vibrante, if I can offer you one piece of advice, that would be: don't ever let another human being be the only source of your happiness, even soul mates can screw it up.

I ended a 7 years long relationship when I met my soul mate and I spent 12 years in marriage. It ended in a nightmare. We were so obsessed with each other that we almost choked each other to death, with no family or friends that would support us. We abandoned everyone and everything, no one and nothing was important to us except each other.

We are still best friends, but we both know that we will never be together again, not in this lifetime. Now we're both trying to find joy in our lives, independent of each other...

That is excellent advice indeed!!! Thank- you. Sounds like you have learned wisdom through the pain. I pray blessings on whatever is next for you on this journey of loving.

Thank you Vibrante. :-) Experience is not what we lived through, experience is what we learn from it...

I am in a marriage that is a nightmare. We are basically "different room, roomates". We share a house together, we have a son and that is basically it. My wife is a wonderful cook, decorator and overbearing mom. We have no relationship - physical or otherwise.

About four years ago I had an affair. It lasted two years. They were two of the most wonderful years. "She" was ten years younger and we considered ourselves "soulmates". We could finish each others sentences. When we were together, we'd generally wake up around 3AM and have the most wonderful conversations that would inevitably end up with making love. Sex was something we both loved. Since we didn't see each other often - 1200 miles apart, when we would get together we'd immediately "have sex", (we used a more crude term) and then we'd make love - huge difference.

But to your point, well beyond the physical element of our relationship was the ability to communicate. In this, I truly believe we were soulmates. We could talk about anything - no judgement, just open honest communication. That was absolutely liberating and so rewarding. We're all "in this together", just trying to get by, enjoy life, make a difference. Having someone to share that with - wow.

I hope you find your soulmate. I think I found mine, and have lost her. Not a day goes by that I don't think of her. All the while struggling to sort out where I am.

But my message is intended to cheer you on - finding that right person, that soulmate, is well worth the pursuit - DO NOT SETTLE!

Thank you for what you so honestly shared. I do not approve of adultery, but, I understand fully what pain you are in, and the sense of joy this other person bought to your soul.

I thank you for your comments. I truly delight in people in general. Finding another human being to survive the daily hassles with, and continue to keep that connection rich and fulfilling is not easy for human beings. We all have our walls, baggage, limits, and are subject to changes which can shift the joyful dance into a duty of drudgery.

Thank you for the kind well wishes for me to experience that bliss of the sexual, personality, heart, soul and life passion with another human being. I embrace that beautiful thought!