In Her Moment Of Clarity

I was driving in the fast lane and I was driving fast. That's about all I knew. The sun's hitting my eyes. Silent tears keep falling while my breath struggles to escape my lungs. Through the blur I can see the white lines rushing past and feel the wind rushing in through the windows, my hair is going nuts. I felt comfort in that my physical self is as chaotic as my mental self. Yup, i ****** it again! Im mad, my life is a mess, why do i keep doing this to myself? My heads a mess, my thoughts are scattered, I'm stuck in a haze. I wish I could drive fast enough to leave myself behind, fly away... I need to think. I start to pray for clarity, beg for it really, I need this haze out of my head. I need to make sense. Then, it all slowed, the lines aren't rushing past, I can't feel the wind through the windows and the heavy feeling in my chest lifts, I can breathe. My car is passing another, this tiny butterfly tumbled right off it onto my windshield. I watched as it got pulled, pushed and all but torn apart. Everything against it, it feels like me. I feel empathy for it, any moment it's going to get splattered by my car. Then I get a little jealous. This pretty little bug has everything against it, yet it still has the power to keep flapping its wings, to keep trying. I feel this insignificant bug blow over my car, like my troubles. The wind smashes into my face again, my hair whips its way into my mouth. I feel the last tear drop from my cheek. I see those lines sway under the car. The sun seems brighter the ever. All my thoughts are clear, my stomach stops aching, and I understand... I Really Have ****** it this time! As I smash through the guard rail and disappear into the cliff below, I know... I should of kept flapping my wings, but its too late. I went fast enough to leave myself behind.