Wanting To **** My Wife's Friend...but Stuck

My wife's friend has been her friend for many years. I met her after we got married. Starting out, my marriage with my wife wasn't that great. We had a lot of issues. Ultimately, she cheated on me, then I later cheated on her.

The wife has found out numerous times about accounts on websites designed to find "**** partners". The thing is, I would never act on anything if someone responded to my profile. I think it's just that I like to know that I "still have it." I don't know if it's just one of those things about how men are wired, but the THOUGHT of getting some strange can be a turn-on.

I have always loved my wife. And I have thought she was beautiful all along, but I especially think she's more beautiful lately, because she has worked hard to lose weight and get in shape. I mean, I now find her incredibly sexy! She is also the mother of my kids, and that makes my attraction to her even stronger.

But my wife's friend...she is good looking too. We seem to have this connection that attracts me further than looks. We can massage each other's backs, and it is completely innocent, but I also find it sensual. We can talk for a long time and I enjoy talking to her. I can tell from the way she talks to me that she feels the same way about me...I think. I have never divulged my secret to her although I want to, just so she knows how I feel. If she feels the same way, then so be it...it's not that I expect to **** her...but just that she understands my feelings for her. If she doesn't feel the same way, then so be it. At least then she would know about my feelings, and maybe help make sure that she doesn't do anything that leads me on.

The thing is, my wife knows I find her friend to be attractive. She is a bit jealous of it. So I try not to spend a lot of time talking to her friend or being alone with her friend, for fear that it raises my wife's jealousy.

Her friend recently got married, but it looks like they are going to get a divorce. I have thought about telling her about my attraction to her. I have thought about verbalizing my fantasies of her. I have thought about feeling her, kissing her, and making love to her. But I haven't...simply because I do love my wife, and don't want to hurt her like I have when I cheated on her before, or when she found my "**** buddy" account profiles.

I guess, if I could, I would have a ********* with my wife and her friend. But I know my wife is not open to that, and I doubt the friend would be into a *********. So the only other thing would be to have an affair with the friend. And I guess I would, if I knew that my wife would never find out. I guess I would if I knew my wife would not want a divorce.

It's not that my wife doesn't please me, make me happy, or that I don't find her attractive. She is everything to me. But to make love with her friend, in my mind, is not to replace anything that I have with my wife. But I know in her mind she would feel betrayed and hurt. I know she would be devastated.

But that doesn't remove my urges that I feel for her friend.
mycrazymind mycrazymind
31-35, M
Jan 20, 2013