Past Mistakes

I've never made the right or best choices and I understand that no one has. You see I don't consider myself beautiful or even pretty for that matter. I weigh a lot more than I should and I act immature sometimes. In high school I had friends for a while and then people started staying away for me or just not talking the same to me as they used to and it was strange.

Well, I graduated from high school but without my best efforts. I made to many mistakes and ended up not going far at all. I took courses at a community college but after the first semester I would enroll in classes and never go and during that second semester I enrolled on an online website. It was not really a dating website but more of a hook up website.

I did some terrible things on there. I would message some guys and even talked to them on web cam and did some dirty things. I sent pictures to them and they'd send me back some too. I was 18 at the time and in all honesty I knew what I was doing but not really understanding it. I was caught by my parents after about a week. They took everything away from me and I didn't go back to the school until that summer session. I took two classes and I was doing good but I went back onto the site.

This time I talked to some guys and I decided to meet with some of them. Obviously not at the same time but it was just for one thing. The first guy we just fooled around some. After that with the other two I had sex. It was one of the most demeaning things I did, now that I think about it. It was sick and disgusting but it's what I wanted at the time. I continued screwing up in school and I continued going on the website and I got caught again.

You'd think I would have learned from the first time but I didn't. Even from the second time but I still didn't. I continued going on the website but this time I was smart about it. The last time I went on to a website like that was mid-year of this year (2012). The first time I did it was around May of last year. I haven't been on the website since about July and I feel a bit better about myself but I still can't believe I did that.
NessieMarie NessieMarie
18-21, F
Dec 5, 2012