Single, But Dying To End The Single-dom

Which is the place you hate to visit the most? Graveyards? Workplaces? Hospitals? Government offices? Jails?
If you ask me the same question, my answer would be wedding ceremonies. No, I am not against marriages. In fact, I have been the most ardent supporter of this divine ritual. But somehow, in the last few years, I have started hating wedding ceremonies as much as criminals hate jails. I am all of 29 now and still unmarried. Most of my friends have already got married. Whenever I attend any wedding, people who meet me there ask me when I am getting married. And I simply get mad at this. Neither Google, nor Wikipedia and nor any astrologer in the world has so far been able to tell me when I will get married. It’s something that just does not seem to happen for me right now. I thought I would get married before Bush finds Saddam and Obama finds Osama. Now both Saddam and Osama are in the clouds, probably planning a cosmic terror attack but I am still unmarried. I have hence revised my target. I plan to get married before Facebook closes down. Now, this gives me lot of breathing space.
Most of my friends are females. However, they are strictly my friends. None of them has been bold and brave enough to say ‘I do’ to me. They all are either married or committed and keep on poking me on my single status. So I have prepared an ‘Answernaire’ (just like a questionnaire) for myself, which I unleash whenever any of my female friends asks me this question: Why haven’t you got married yet?
Answer No. 1: You have not asked me to get married to you yet.
2. Maybe I am plain lucky.
3. I can see what your husband is going through.
4. What? And end my great freedom?
5. I saw your husband at a divorce lawyer’s office last week. Is everything okay?
6. My fiancee is in jail. I will marry her as soon as she is acquitted of murder charges.
7. I don’t want to double my laundry and credit card bill.
8. My female boss does not want me to get married.
9. Government is soon to announce zero income tax for singles.
10. I want to but my girlfriend’s husband won’t agree.
11. I am married to my job.
12. If I get married, I will have to forfeit the millions of dollars my soon-to-die uncle plans to leave for me.
13. Because I simply love hearing this question from you.
Ever since I started giving the above rude and arrogant answers to my female friends, they have stopped questioning me. Now, whenever something goes wrong in their life and I come to know about it, I simply text them: See I told you, don’t get married to this guy.
I wonder how many of these friends will attend my wedding. Everybody is invited, though. You too.
eyes04111981 eyes04111981
31-35, M
4 Responses Jun 29, 2011

If you want to get married, there is only one answer you can give them... "once you hooked me up with the perfect wedding material" If you don't want to get married, keep giving the answers above. Statistically friends from friends are the most likely people to end up as your partner.

Good Luck.

all of the things u ve written are awesome enough, you mite b confused which one to featue....<br />
i appreciate ur witty sense of humor

Well done! Famous last words, too. The last guy I knew who was still single into his late thirties was hitched before the year was through.