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Waiting Game

I am in a military/long distance relationship so, of course, the idea of marriage is absolutely wonderful to me. It would be the end of this lonely struggle. I know that this time apart is considered personal growth since we’re both still pretty young. He’s getting life experience from joining the Navy and traveling, and I am currently working and going to school so I can land my dream job. The distance is a necessary obstacle, it can’t be helped. But I can’t help feeling like I am in the waiting stage of life. I find myself wishing time away. It’s not that I hate the present; it’s just that I know the future could (will) be so much better.

I want to get married so that we can finally live under the same roof, because as of now we can only get short glimpses of each other throughout the year. When we lived near each other all I could think of was what the wedding would be like. How many people would I invite? Where would it be? What kind of dress should I get? I still think about all these things but they are not as important now. My main focus is living situation. I want us to be able to decorate the house together, drive each other to work, and cook meals for each other. I just want consistency…

I am determined to do this right though, so I definitely will not be rushing into this. For one, I have decided not to give in to the military’s pressure; I absolutely do not want to be coerced into having courthouse wedding no matter how long the deployment. This is just something I do not want to give up. Second, I must finish school before I can move in with him because I have to be able to sustain myself while he is gone. Finally, I have to save up money so that we can have an easy transition into this new lifestyle.

I know we won’t be getting married for quite a while but I wouldn’t mind a long engagement. *sigh*
Zalea17 Zalea17 22-25, F 2 Responses Feb 24, 2012

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I think you're making completely the right choice!! My boyfriend and I are still very young too, and there's plenty of time to settle down. I'm picky about it, and I want to wait until he is out of the Navy. This definitely makes it harder, as the military tends to accommodate wives rather than girlfriends, but I know the wait will be worth it in the end. I'm going to school to get a successful career, and in a way, my boyfriend is doing the same, just in the military instead. We want to be able to support each other, and in order to do that, we need to establish ourselves in our own lives first. However, don't give up on the relationship by any means :-) I don't give myself that option. It's just about learning to be independent, which is still going to be a long process for me. You will not regret waiting to do everything the right way, when the time is right! It's good to see someone has the same goals and ideals as I do. I wish you the best of luck, and feel free to contact me if you need to vent about anything :-)

Hi there, as an woman old enough to be your mother and even grandmother, I would say that the waiting is very useful, exasperating as it may sound. It gives you the time to have a really good look at him, how he behaves when he's away from you - does he ring you often, stay in touch?<br />
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Years ago, women were engaged for two years or a bit less - it was to help them make sure it was the right person.<br />
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It was a good idea.<br />
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If within a short time he does not propose, MOVE ON.

Hm. I wouldn't leave him for something like that. If I can't marry him, then I don't want to marry anyone. We've been together almost three and half years, and have known each other as friends for about seven. We manage talk to each other every day, at least at the moment. I don't think anyone knows me as well as he does. If worse comes to worse, I can be the one who proposes, right? lol