I Want to Get Married

I really want to get married - its all i can remember since a very long time ago and yet am not very good in picking them. The last relationship that could have led to marriage was years ago and although it ended badly am hopeful again that i can and will get married sometime. Trouble is i can't find HIM. i wanna be in love and be excited but as i grow older i realise i may have to decide in a calculating way which of the available guyz (that i would rather not marry) i can tolerate and then get married to that one! Does anybody feel like i do or is it just me being desperate? i wanna do the whole package of walking down the aisle and everything like the typical girl - am i missing something here? Talk to me...

 

Eros Eros
26-30, F
17 Responses Jul 26, 2007

Don't worry darling, you're just normal. And if it feels right for you, go ahead. In any case I would just recommend you to protect your assets. Good luck!

I do not know if marriage is good or bad. But I do know when I was not married I felt like my man loved me. Not so much of that feeling anymore:< Good luck to you though. I wish you the best.

thanks

may be! i can help u so keep sending me mails.

I share most of your feelings. After one bad marriage of 20 years and one engagement that ended badly....I threw up a lot of walls, and changed my perspective. Some of the walls are down now I think.<br />
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To answer you question, I think you do sound a bit desperate. Marrying the one you can tolerate the best out of a bunch that you can't tolerate....I think...will just lead to the furthest thing from what you want. another empty marriage that does not give you all the things you want and probably won't last. Having said that, I don't have a "pool" to pick from. (been in the cave too long). So, I share a sense of desperation, a sense that nobody will every have the king of connection with me that I want. I'm also very sick of doing everything alone. But I still would rather be alone than with the wrong one....???? But it is getting so hard...to stay alone. My view and desire of what a relationship should be are not shared by many I don't think....and it has changed over the last few years.<br />
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What good is the "whole package" of walking down the isle, etc., etc. when you know it's a matter of picking the least of the evils. There is nothing magic in marriage. There are many things tragic in marriage...with the wrong one. I think you should "crave" finding the right connection.....not some vision of walking down the isle and the whole package....cause it'a all a fantasy envolving guys you know you really don't want. So why marry ?<br />
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Yeah, I'm desperate enough to change almost everything I believe in. And to change what and how I think a marriage should be. But if it's not the right connection....oh....I've had enough pain already, thank you.<br />
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Wouldn't it be nice to find and make a nice great friend. A friend that loves and supports. Understands our strengths and weakness's, shares the same dreams and fantasies. Discover a love that nothing can break, that most don't understand.<br />
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Pipe dream....maybe. But anything short just won't work. And I don't mean perfection. I Know all the things that traditional marriage mean or meant. Some I threw away, for better, higher and more realistic ones.....but I'll never "settle for" again. I hope you don't either...and hope I don't go crazy in the mean time.

I have been married twice and just turned 31. There are three big lessons I learned from both of these disasters....<br />
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1. Do not marry a cheater (1st wife)<br />
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2. People you loved in high school are rarely the same people as adults (2nd wife)<br />
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3. Dont give up hope.<br />
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I am lonely as all hell, but I will never give up. There has to be someone on this planet who can love me for who I am AND be faithful all at once.....I know its a longshot...but I really believe she is out there.

to be honest i feel the same way and i'm only 17 i guess all girls/women feel that way

If it's any consolation it happens to guys too. I'm almost 35, have made some bad choices and had my heart severely trashed as well, but I'm still holding on tothe slim hope that one day I might meet a nice girl to marry. Someone to love, cherish, laugh with, enjoy day-to-day life with, a soulmate. Someone to share with and treasure. SURELY IT CAN'T BE THAT HARD!!!

I know exactly how u feel. I'm dealing with the same thing right now. I'm in my late 30's and my biggest fear is that I'm gonna be an old maid. I really dont have any advice for u. (sorry) but I just thought I would send u this comment to let u know that NO u are not desperate, and NO u are not alone. :)

Well. All I can tell you there is no perfect man ou there.<br />
Because when you think you have the perfect man, He ends up ******* something up too... So dont be to picky.<br />
The most important thing I think you should have in a marriage is great SEX, and great COMMUICATION between the two of you....Good Luck..

You are perfectly normal. I think all normal people want to have someone to share their life with, I know I do also...I don't like getting older alone. Not too many people really do, I don't think.

Woo this is all good stories and advice. I would love to get married my self. I was in a long relationship where we had a child together thought we would get married, but with more than three break up back and forth, I am now 30 spent seven years of my life looking for love the wrong way. That happens to many of us, I was so scared to be 30 and not married yet, but by the grace of God he has shown me that, I did not have to be in a rush, when I know how to love and take care of me, I will attract the right man at the right time. I still love my babies dad and I have set him free to find that soul mate. It feels good to know that I will be totally ready when the time comes. Never the less I feel you all that are going through the loneliness and the wonder, join in as we share all this we can shade a light in those dark moments in our lives that really are there to prepare us for the best.

most people now days shop around hoping they will find Mr right but the clock just keeps on ticking and suddenly you realize you've gotten to old and set in your ways. a happy marriage is growing with a person learning to except that fact that we have put up with each others differences over the years.

I have been married more than once. I am married now. Most of my friends are in their second or third domestic incarnation. Getting up from my work desk, walking to the Starbucks and watching the crowd I can say this: being married, with young kids, coupled with working murderous hours as a lawyer, so occupies my life that I have no time, or life force left to do anything. On the other hand, in the years I was single, running after women, running from women, searching and yearning for women, and clutched, inflated and crushed by them, so occupied my life that I had no time, or life force left to do anything.<br />
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If I had my way, or what I think was my way, I would have settled down with three or four non-sexual relations with women friends, and had one, maybe two very mature, stable, self-contained f-buddy women friends. That would have been a good life. I think so, anyway.<br />
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But, look around and you'll see that, generally, that's not the way life works. Maybe it's biological. In my dream world, it would have been very difficult to have kids. <br />
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So, back to you. Distilling my experiences with divorces (I am a lawyer), and my years and years, and years, of marriage counselors, group therapy groups, shrinks, drinking binges with other divorce participants, find someone you really, really LIKE. Someone you get along with. Someone that really respects you, and who you respect at least as much. Love flame, alone, goes out very fast.

I know how you feel. Before I met my guy, I was so longing to find him, I just didn't know what to do. I even turned my Claddagh ring around to the 'taken' way because I had decided that my true love was out there, I just hadnt met him yet. <br />
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Well when I met him (or at least we both think I have) he loved that story because in his mind, I was always meant for him, and those other guys before... we dont talk about them ;)

I was engaged once and I broke it off because I wasn't ready. Now that I've got a few more years under my belt, I just might marry my boyfriend, not because he's "the one" or whatever, but because he's good enough and treats me right and loves me to death.<br />
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Here's one tip: When looking for your mate, don't let on that you just wanna get married. You have to hook him, snag him, make him fall madly in love with you and worship the ground you walk on, and THEN make him think that marriage was HIS idea. :-D

Maybe your search area/criteria for suitable men is too narrow? Where are you looking, and are you excluding potential men unnecessarily?