Need to Get Back On Track
I have been in a troubled marriage for quite a few years now. My wife suffers from depression and lacks self-esteem and confidence. It has quite literally degraded our marriage to the point where we are now living separately and I have filed for divorce. We have five kids and they are living with me for now until she can get on her feet and provide a place for them half the time.
I am very loyal and love my wife very much, but I'm not sure how much more I can take. She has told me that she doesn't love me anymore, she has been very selfish, lazy, and unmotivated. She is 36 and truly doesn't know what she's doing with her life.
Two of our five kids are from my previous marriage and she is now claiming that she cannot be a stepmother. She feels that its beyond her capabilities to do so. My two kids from before are great kids. Their relationship with my wife is strained because my wife doesn't treat them well. My wife is very immature and fights being a responsible adult with everything she has. It has debilitated her life and our family to the point where it is currently at now.
I'd love to be there for her, but all of my friends are telling me that I need to give up on her. She doesn't show signs of changing and I have been miserable with her. She shows me zero affection, she pretty much only thinks of herself, and doesn't seem to appreciate me in any way.
Everyone is telling me that I deserve better and I do agree with that whole heartedly. I'm just concerned about her well being (she's still my wife and I do love her and want her to be okay). The thing that makes or breaks it is that I can't change her. I can't make her want to get better. I can't force her to seek professional help and get her life back on track.
Ugh. This is a trying time (par for the course with her). I really want to be happy in my life. I suppose that happiness will be on hold until the divorce is final (six months in California) or she pulls her head out from the sand (or somewhere else...).