My Life

ok im new at this but i cant seem to get over things on my own.. to start with, both of my parents are alcholics, my mom is worse than my dad.. when i was little they fought all the time over everything, and more often than not it got phisical and i ended up with my granny. She become my best friend and i stayed with her alot. She got sick and had to go to hope hospice. i went to see her one day after school knowing she was lifeless, i told her about my day and grades, and the fast that i had graduated from elementary school for her, she then opened her eyes squeezed my hand and said she loved me and was very proud of me. 3 hours later i got the phone call that she had passed away.. i attened her memorial with the rest of the family, however i decided not to attend the funeral. At the memorial i was introduced to my granny's "closest friend," and i instantly became close to him, becoming my grandfather. i moved in with him and his new wife.. 6 months after my granny's death my grandfather dropped me off at school saying, "ill see you after school". Sadly when i returned from school the house was empty and all that was left was a note from him saying "im sorry but i had to leave" i never seen him again. He spoke on the phone to my sister often and asked to speak to me, my last angery words to him were "i never want to see or speak to you again." i got my wish.. He passed away a few years later. I never was able to tell him how much he hurt me by leaving me when i needed him the most, and never got to say good bye, or that i was sorry for holding a grudge. I also didnt attend his funeral.. After that my dad was out of prison and i tried to get close to him, he always has his way of promising things that doesnt happened. i have gotten used to getting let down because thats how its been all my life. you see it seems like everyone i have ever gotten close to has left me, causing me to block people out and not trusting anyone. threw the years i have had people inter my life and then leave without explaination. It seems like my family has fallen apart since my granny died.. I have also had to "raise" my parents who cant seem to grow up. my sister also moved away and left me the burrdent to try to hold the family together. I'm realizing i cant someone who doesnt want to be helped. and somehow have to let go of my past and look toward my future.
89linda 89linda
2 Responses Sep 16, 2012

I know how u feel when i was12 i was mulested in the prose of the to guy fighting to rape. My was always at bars
My dad die when i was three then i stared cutting aroud that time.i am now 21. And my oldes sister was teronaly ill. And i got older i started to take of her best way i can but i felt i didnt enough

You are definitely stronger than you think that you are. There will always be people in your life that may let you down. You are a survivor and you will find happiness. Pay attention to who you befriend. Do not fall into the trap that you become the person who is always giving yet never receiving, while at the same time still be yourself.

You will attract good people if you let them be available to you. Do not close yourself off to happiness.

thanks that means alot.. i have held that in for many years, good to get it off my chest, i feel better already

I am hope that you were able to smile.

yes, i was.. im realizing that i have to let go in order to move forward

It can seems difficult, yet do not think that the work is not worth it. Cheer up, please!

i know its going to be worth it, however i have held that in for so many years i didnt really know how to let it out. im learning to open up.

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