Going Down The Drain.

I want to so bad, I am sick of it. A soon as I was getting happy and exicted about something, it gets taken from me and now I am sitting here breaking down. I have shut myself away from the world. I dont leave this room, honestly I dont want to. I am not ready to face anyone. My life is going down the drain again. I am depressed about all of the stuff that is going wrong right now. I dont know what I will do on the day that I will have to walk into that abortion clinic and allow them to take my baby that I love so much already. I know that this is what I have to do to protect my baby, if I dont then it will either be me dead or my baby dead or both of us. My life is at risk just as much as this babys life is. I know that this is the best thing for me to do at this point... I dont want people to judge me because of this.. I am doing what is best, not just because I dont want this baby, because I wanted this baby more than anything.. Everytime I think of it, I get sick to my stomach I hate the idea of it. More I think about it the more I want to run back to louisiana and back to the drugs! I know that it isnt an option for me, I need to move on..
imperfectbeauty imperfectbeauty
18-21, F
2 Responses May 17, 2012

I'm sorry. I guess you needed healing time huh? You are still young fortunately. I know that is not very consoling now but it may be later. Let your pain out, I'll be thinking of you

I am so sorry to hear this! Are you sure your life is at risk? I would never judge you for your decision but I know it must hurt like hell. You are right to go forward not back. happiness lies ahead. Keep writing and trying to make sense of things, we hurt with you and feel for you.

I went to several different doctors all of them say the same of thing..