It's My First Anniversary......for Fertility Testing

I'm 38 years old, married and TTC. This time last year I was a newlywed and working as a marketing assistant at a fertility clinic.  Due to the nature of the business, I was educated with the in's and out's of fertility.  I remember my OB/Gyn subtly mentioning "making babies" when I was 27.  At that time I was just getting out of a long term relationship and thought I had plenty of time to grow my family.  Now, ten years later I'm reading statistics that my ovarian reserve was at 3 million and now I only have ~1000 viable eggs left in my ovaries. 

Needless to say, I was quick to get both myself and my husband tested. I was lucky enough to get almost all of the fertility tests with a very positive outlook.  My FSH was normal and all my hormones were good.  My husband's SA was great.  The outlook was very positive.  It's now the anniversary for all of those tests and I'm still waiting to get pregnant. 

I'm working for a different company now.  So, I have different medical coverage.  I've been trying to schedule an appointment with a fertility specialist with my new medical provider.  It seems all of the tests I did last year need to be redone.  All I can hear is every step of this journey is digging deeper and deeper into my pocketbook.  This is all sooo sad to know that making a baby and growing our family may not be possible because of money.

I got married in November 2008.  Every single month since then wedding, I ride this roller coaster of anticipation and eventually disappointment.  My poor husband has to hold my head and listen to me cry every month.  Our second wedding anniversary is coming up and my biological clock is ticking so loud you can hear it across state lines.  I have a circle of friends that I have known since childhood.  I was the last one to get married...and normally, I would lean on them during times of stress or need.  However, this issue seems so inappropriate because they are all happily married and with children.  Instead, I feel distant and alienated.  I know I have so many things in my life to be happy about.  I like my job.  I love my husband.  We even rescued a little dog on our wedding anniversary, but there is a little part of me that is still yearning for a baby.  It took me forever to find this amazing man that I call my husband.  Every day that I get closer to my 40th birthday makes me more and more forlorn to childless future.
sdnative222 sdnative222
36-40
1 Response Jul 21, 2010

i feel ur pain ,am going thru the same thing almost ..<br />
all my life i said when i get married am gonna wait a yr b4 having a baby i wanna travel around the world with my husband b4 we had a baby 2 slow us down ,i didnt know that am gonna be married at the age of 34! two months later i was 35! and he is 32 and already has 2 children from a past relationship .. <br />
iv always had hormone issues and did abdominal ultrasounds when i was in my twenties and the doctors susbected i had uterus fabroids but had 2 take internal ultrasound 2 make sure that i did ,,, but since i was a virgin (do 2 religous reasons which forbid losing ur virginity b4 marriage) i had 2 wait until i did. <br />
after few months of marriage i was wondering why i didnt get pregnant when am not on the pill ! <br />
i got tested and turns out i did have a huge fabroid (the size of a 3 months old fetus) sitting on top of my uterus ! after a couple of months reviewing my options since i didnt want 2 have a C-section 2 remove it (coz i had 2 fabroid removals from both breasts i didnt want 2 go thru it again !) and because i wouldnt ever have a normal delivary after i do conceive ,always a C section after fabroid removal.<br />
the doc said if i got pregnant with this fabroid still in me,it will grow with pregnancy and cause an early labor or even a miscarriage . so i had 2 do it !<br />
after going thru a myectomy ,which was horrible ..the doc said i had 2 wait for a couple of months for my body 2 regain its hormonal balance ..that was october 2010. i did take tests my one of my hormones (not sure which was high 600 ) but she said we should wait some more coz she wanted my husband 2 get tested too even though he had kids .. <br />
<br />
when he got tested and after going thru a myectomy ,his ***** count turned out 2be ZERO!!! <br />
when he found out he cried and i styed strong for him , and cried 2myself hes not around !<br />
im so sad still and i cant tell anyone ..everyone is asking me when ru getting pregnant, comeon we want 2 see a child in ur lab and am suffering inside dunno what 2 say ..<br />
he was taking steriods 2get a nice body and he didnt tell me ..and now we are suffering from that ! <br />
now he is undergoing a hermone treatment for three months and the doc will see if it works or not ! its been a month now two more 2go ,am so anxious sad and worried and dunno what 2 do if the result came back negative :(<br />
<br />
am gonna be 36 in one month<br />
one child is all i want please god please