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A Mile In My Shoes

A mile in my shoes.
I want to tell people that say don’t worry it will happen, it is just not your time to be a mother, or other things like that. I want to look at them and tell them walk a mile in my shoes. Sit there every month trying to get pregnant. Praying that this month you wont get your period and then the utter disappointment when you do. Or when you don’t you get so happy that you might be pregnant you start making plans. Trying to decide who you should tell or if you should wait cause there are so many things that could go wrong. You worry with every little twinge of pain. You have genuine fear if you even see a little spot of blood. You don’t know me but for those of us who have dealt with this month in and month out you know what I am talking about. It is almost a soul darkening thing to think that as a women you struggle to do the one basic thing that our mothers tell us from child hood we are supposed to be able to do. And then to see the look of disappointment even though the person you are with tells you not to worry it will happen we will make our family. I feel as if I have let him down with every month I am unable to give him the child we both so despriatly want.
What do I do do I tell him how I feel will he under stand or will he think less of me because of my fear. Will he want to try harder or will he look at me as if there is something wrong every time I come to him with the look of sadness and tell him not this time . And then put on a brave face and start the hormones and the vitemins and every thing else that we do in hopes that this time this one time it might work. My fear is real yet I tell no one . I suffer in silence and hope that no one can see no one can tell that I have this problem and that god will see how much I want to do this how much I want to have a child that I can give my love to and help me. or maybe I am truly on my own ?????????
southernbell0413 southernbell0413 26-30, F Mar 5, 2012

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