This Is All I Want.

Even since I was 10 or 11 ... I always knew my one true calling in life was to be a Mom. To have children and give nothing but love and affection to those children.

Age 20, after dating a guy for 4 or 5 months. I got my wish. I was pregnant but just as he was able to smooth talk his way into my life. He was able to smooth talk me into having an abortion. A year later ... I regret it, I am ashamed. I hate myself. As a mother I should have been there for that baby and failed.

Now, all I want another chance to right that wrong. I am so preoccupied with having a child, that I can't enjoy other aspects of my life. And even now I feel like I am crazy for having these thoughts and feeling this way. But I just want a baby.
livenrye livenrye
22-25, F
2 Responses May 24, 2012

As you have stated, its "started", I would like to continue it. <br />
You will find someone, there's always plenty of fish in the ocean and you are young. I'm 38. I think my start was my finish. Don't get me wrong, I love my son to death, I just want more! The people here look at me like I'm a wierdo for wanting more! Lol

You're not married? Are you? Or does your wife not want more kids? ... I can understand where you are coming from though ... I want 4 kids!
&amp; I have found my fish haha ... but he only wants 2 kids. [my boyfriend of 9 months. Short time we've been dating but I'm sure we will marry]

Not married, just my son and myself. My fish departed the aquarium about a year and a half ago. I always wanted a house full of kids though. I guess that's why I drive a school bus.

I also have a liking for the "benefits" of having a pregnant woman! Lol


1 More Response

Even from the fathers side its a hard thing to deal with, and the feelings were the same with me in the same situation. I didn't talk her into the abortion, she just said she was getting one. Now at 38 I have a ten year old son and want more. I can understand fully where you are coming from, it can mess with you. You'll get what you want in time, just hang in there.

It's just so hard for me to take ... always waiting for the next best thing. I feel like I had my chance &amp; blew it ... when if I never get another chance? What if that was my Only chance? You know? This is something I Know will make my happy ...&amp; for now I have to wait around ... for Years. It's kind of depressing ...

But .. I am glad you've started a family &amp; are steadily moving forward :] Children are a blessing &amp; you are very fortunate!