Feel Distressed

i am a young military wife and have one close friend where we are stationed. our husbands are deploying this summer and each of us has expressed to each other how nice it would be to have a baby. 2 yrs ago i had a miscarriage and it really was a difficult thing for me to go through. I still think about the what if's everyday. my friend knows all this. she just told me last night that she is pregnant and i really have mixed feelings. i am kind of happy for her but at the same time i am extremely sad. my husband does not want to have a baby right now until i am out of college which is the responsible decision but i am thinking with my heart not my head. since my friends husband is not going to be here during her pregnancy, she wants me to go to ultrasounds, birthing classes etc with her. i want to tell her no just because when i went to my first ultrasound my baby was dead. and i dont want to see hers. i really feel horrible though. but at the same time i would almost expect her to feel the same way i am. i wouldnt expect her to do these things with me. idk what to do in this situation. i want to be honest with her and tell her that i am not ready to do something like that. i think she would understand. but am i being selfish? is it wrong for me to feel this way? should i do it for her even though it may hurt me? i am so upset about this whole situation i dont even want to talk to her or see her right now. maybe ever. i am sure that will change once i get over it. but to be honest i am extremely jealous. she has the one thing i want more than anything. i feel like its my calling to be a mother and i cant help the way i feel. i just dont want anything to do with the situation. i dont want to see her pregnant, i dont want to go to these things with her. its driving me crazy. i was thinking about this alllllll night last night til 2 in the morning. idk why i am letting this eat my heart out. but it is. and idk what to do.

MissThang420 MissThang420
18-21, F
2 Responses Mar 16, 2010

after i wrote all this i sent her a message and told her exactly how i was feeling. she didnt get upset with me, but she took it as i didnt want to help her at all. we talked about in on the phone and had a very emotional conversation. i told her i do want to help her especially because her husband will not be here, but it scares me to think about going to her ultrasounds. i am still not sure if i am ready to do THAT but i am ready to help her prepare in other ways for her child. and in the end i felt completely better about the whole situation and happy i was honest.

I'm sorry for your loss. <br />
<br />
Whether or not you tell her your backstory, it may come down to the value of your friendship. If it's her first child, she's going to be a little scared. And sees you as someone to help guide her along in her husband's absence. Can you put aside your loss, and step into that role? It's a big responsibility, but, in my opinion, rewarding. You will enrich her life by supporting her through this. <br />
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And don't forget - the day will come when you will hold your own child. :)