Married Friend... To Go Through With It Or Not?

There is a married couple my husband and I are friendly with. For years, the other husband and I have flirted with each other. We are both naturally flirty people, and our spouses know this, so it was always just a joke. However, last Christmas Party it stepped over the line when he kissed me - and I didn't push him away. Neither of our spouses know. We are texting back and forth, and he wants to meet with me in private.

I like my relationship with my husband, and I enjoy our life. He did almost cheat on me about a year ago, but I am truly over it. This wouldn't be a revenge thing at all. To be completely honest, my only real reason for wanting to have an affair is simply that - I want to.

My concern is that HIS motives are different from mine. I feel that he is having some sort of mid-life crisis, and that he truly is unhappy in his marriage. This concerns me because I don't want anybody to ever find out, and he would be the weak chain in this link.

I've never been in a situation like this, and I'm finding it hard to control what I WANT vs. what is probably the logical choice...
cleverjellie cleverjellie
9 Responses Dec 2, 2012

<p>TALK to him. Tell him that you like your relationship with your husband and you enjoy your life ... and dont want to change that.</P><br />
<p>Explain that you are concerned that his motives are because he is unhappy with his marriage and wants to replace her with you ... or whatever they are.</P><br />
<p>You have another option. You could talk to your husband about ALL this too. Some men are okay with their wives being with another man (despite what they say in casual conversation). Some actually get very aroused to this.</P><br />
<p>If you decide to keep this in its current state though, disaster is inevitable.</P><br />
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The bigger question here is what are you drawn to in this situation? Is it to be wanted? If so talking to your husband may help that too.

It sounds like you and he are in different places, and he may not be able to handle things once they become complicated (they will). Steer clear, enjoy the harmless flirting, but no further than that. U won't like how it ends.

give him a great blow job

“You shall not covet your neighbor's house; you shall not covet your neighbor's wife, or his male servant, or his female servant, or his ox, or his donkey, or anything that is your neighbor's.”

Solid contemporary wisdom!

If you like your life, you better not open this can, it will ruin all you have.

Whether do it or not, we all have to prepare for the pain for whoever is involved, you, your partner, he, his partner, your children, his children, even his extended families, maybe. When resisting to have affairs, what do we resist about? Resist to our conscience, lust, sex, or the consequence of them? Good luck with your decision!

The consequence of them, for me.

Logical aside, choosing to have an affair and actually having one are different. I understand why you want to have an affair, I want one to, probably for similar reasons. Finding someone to do it with is the hard part once you decide you want to.Finding someone who wants to for the same reason and would have as much to lose as you if you got caught would be a couple of things.

Why not ask him point blank why he wants to have an affair? I'd bet his answer would make you sway one way or the other.

I've since asked him, and it sounds like a mid-life crisis to me. I think it would be too risky to have an affair with him because of that, although yeah - I want to anyway.

Hmm I would advise against it. If you are happy with your marriage and don't want it to be strained, or even worse end, than I think it would be a bad idea. Just my opinion take it or leave it.

"I like my relationship with my husband, and I enjoy our life."

Don't do it then. "Don't rock the boat" your boat that is. you know his motives. why should you care? his wants and needs are not your abligations. well I don't think you really want to have an affair. and if this man wants to have an affair, let him choose it with someone who is in the same situation as him "mid-life crisis, and that he truly is unhappy in his marriage." good luck.

Thank you

Bring it up very carefully with your husband that an attractive man really wants to take you (say out to lunch or something harmless) and see how he takes it.
He may feel proud that you are so attractive to men, even that it will make you take more care of your appearance and be sexier. If he strongly disapproves, nothing is lost, maybe something gained because he will then realisse what a treasure he has.