"Looking For a "Friend With Benefits"relationship

I'm only in the pre-planning stages, haven't really searched for someone--but hear the way to go is to find a married man in the same situation as me who only wants to be in a "Friend with Benefits" type relationship meaning, neither of us is looking to get out of our current situation, we just want some companionship, intimacy, romance, and sex once in awhile.  A good old fashion affair.  Why not, we're not getting it at home, at least I'm not, he's getting it elsewhere, so why can't I.  Revenge sex, I don't think so, this has been going on far to long to call it that.  I'm just lonely, and life is to short to not enjoy this part of it.  To meet for some good conversation, a nice movie, lunch, and dessert once in awhile, maybe a night sleep over somewhere on occasion, what could it hurt.  No strings attached.  Can it be done?  I don't know.  I'm willing to give it a try, is anyone out there? 

jstwnabluvd jstwnabluvd
63 Responses Apr 7, 2009

This is exactly what I am looking for. I am from far and happen to be here for a limited time. In the meantime would love to meet someone to share a good time with and get to know Oregon. I am well travel, highly educated and with a good sense of humor. If any girl is interested, please let me know. You won't regretted!!

hi me too yar
and ya i am here

An one sweet lady adventurous can contact me.

Add a response...

good old fashioned affairs do not exist, well at from my experience . Emotions get in the way at some stage and that's where the wheels fall off the wagon . being there but loved every minute of it . Can be hard on the system .

Can u come get me for the night i want to meet u hun im in the same predicament as you

Go for it. I did.

We are a young couple, just wanting a girl to be our sexting partner and friends with benefits. Please message me if you are interested, we are both very down to Earth and want to get to know new people! :)

In Colorado. Looking for exactly this kind of thing. Risky? Sure as pointed out by others, but willing to give it a try anyway. Early 50s. Healthy male. Like to find a fun, smart, healthy married woman somewhere within a couple of hundred miles to get together with from time to time.

I know exactly how u feel. I would never break up my family, and it is more an emotional affair rather than physical affair that I want.

oh yeah !!kink is my style

One more thing: GUYS! Think about the potential outcome, trust me, it's crap unless you like alimony and child support and staying on your brother's couch because you can't afford a place of your own. Think it's not possible? Well let me ask you a question, do the courts still favour women in child support and alimony cases? There is your answer...

So if you put that out there, you have to expect that tons of married men will post on this (as I can see from below). A girl once told me "a married man will never leave his wife". Might seem like thats just fine right now, but don't fall for him because as a guy, you get what you get going into it. For instance, you tell me that you want a FWB, cool as a guy, why not, no strings (let's be honest there isn't a such thing as no strings, but let's pretend there is). Say you start developing feelings for me or want more, I cut my losses.. why? it was only ever sex for the guy and nothing more. So many books and examples have proven it, for a women, its more emotional, for a man its more physical. Also, an affair is only really super passionate when it's illicit. Is the guy going to be as desirable when his wife finds out, kicks him out and he wants to stay with you? Laugh, thumb me down, whatever, but I promise you it happens

I for one am out there and interested. Touchbase.

Same situation as you.

i am on the same stage, got married young... i am 24 now and i just need to release some steam with another woman <3 even older to teach me some new things maybe... add me on skype maybe? Surfsup1988

I had an affair with a 24 year old.. I refered to him as "stamina of the gods" and he said "finally a girl wjo likes to have sex" was the best fwb of my life... I have no regretts!

hmmm looking for another?? :)

I have been in a long term sexless marriage. I have worked hard to support my family and educate my children. Yet, no matter what I do I am never deserving of a loving physical relationship with my wife. I have come to the point where the pain is so present that I have to explore a relationship outside of the marriage. I have suffered so long I don't know what to do. I am a kind loving person that can't accept the rejection any longer.

dallas??i,m there if you are./..

Hello, Anyone near Sonoma County, Calif

I miss having sex I am married and have a high sex drive my wife has no sex drive



The poster is refreshing and restores ones confidence in women - unusually open, passionate and hetero - therefore you can be sure she is of a certain age. No younger women has or is in touch with heterosexuality like that. I have had similar affairs with married women just like the poster describes - friends who are intimate - sounds ideal doesnt it? For a man perhaps. Unfortunately my last partner became a bit obsessed, which is unfortunate because you should be able to have nothing attached pleasure - else humanity is deeply damaged.<br />
It is odd of course that the ladies who want or claim to want an affair make themselves completely unavailable. It isnt like am on offer as am sure you are all american and am not. <br />
Therefore perhaps you just like the idea of ...etc and nothing more. <br />
I would say more about my friend with benefits experience but it would be moved to a different section - lets just say it often involved some yoga like bending in the front of a car. <br />
Odd thing is - if women had the sexuality and confidence - they would know they are in the position of power to get exactly what they want on their terms - since affairs are in reality so rare - can we assume that the truth is - women just arent interested at all in men - who ever it is?

I agree and I am seeking a woman to have some nsa fun with. I am a mature black male who is married and my wife is just not doing it for me these days. I would like a friend with benefits who can be discreet. I want a married woman is in the same boat or similar situation. I live in burlington county N.J. I hope I can find someone. Devin

Where are you located? In the same type of situation

I am in a sexless marriage and horribly lonely. I love her on some level but I miss being touched. An "arrangement" would be wonderful.

lookin for the same ,, friend / lover / buddy to share special time communication,, no drama,, good merlot,, great intimacy,, colorado and montana,, i have places in both,, fun fit easy goin,, very outgoing too,,

oh my there are sooo many of us in the same boat,, i have been looking for a year,, wish i could connect it would be good for me on a lot of levels,,

Hii.. I'm looking for a freind with benefits.. Need da benefits really.. Live in london..add me on blackberry (2615D469) or txt me on 07958762865..

u are honest most of comments are nice reading i just feel "No strings attached someone will get hurt i always feel cheating is not good thing

Wow....I can relate to this..I am not married yet, we are engaged for next spring. We've been together for almost 2yrs. This man rules my world! He's a gentleman, hard worker, respectful, and silly. We go together well on soo many levels. Our sex life has dwindled drastically. I know he works 11-12hr days, and he put our love life on a schedule of only being Saturday nights. That's our date night. But that's also the only night of the week he drinks...so after "X" amount of beers, he loses his stamina. He didn't even remember what had happened between the two of us the night before. I thought we threw it down great and it was fantastic. It was a big blow to my ego to know he didn't remember anything. I love him and don't want to be with another. But I'm an extremely sexual person. I mentioned that I wish he'd remember and he said I was bitching...I know he has no time for another woman. He literally works from 6am to 8-9pm and is home straight after. He tells me he loves me and is sorry for the lack of sex in our life...and he's turn into a lazy lover. I think the age has something to do with it to, I just turned 30 and he's 45. He's vanilla ice cream and I want to be tied up from time to time, lol...we just made a list of places we'd like to have sex. We ripped them up and put them in a box and each month we're going to pick one and do it at the specific spot. That was fun and we had great sex that night...but I need more. I'm such a sexual person it means alot to me. I have thoughts of just meeting a stranger, no words exchanged, just pure unadulterated kinky fun. I am a woman and I do NOT have emotional ties to everyone I sleep with. But I am so scared to cheat on him. I would hate if he did it to me...or would I? It feels horrible knowing you're not enough, but it also feels horrible to not get what you need. Tough situation...anyways, that's my ramble!

im much older, and i too work 10-12 hr days but at a moments notice i can be "up" for fun,, your story is scarey,, but i guess there are men and women that are not as excited by good sex as the rest of us,,

Honey, you have a predicament that only you can untangle! This is your situation before getting married? You need to realized that is not going to work or you would have reach 40 to be more or less at his pace. If he is a good guy , trying a lover will break you heart and his if he finds out. You have to be extremely mature to have affairs and not let it affect your current relation. Try mastubating and let him be part of the experience! He would like it and will give in more often. Good luck!!

I am a woman who is looking for this exact scenario. I love my husband, but I don't think monogamy is for everyone. Some people are more sexual than others and some people need more attention than others. If you can handle it, then you should do it. I am here specifically to try to find a friend with benefits. I've had it before and it is very enjoyable, fills a void that nothing else can.

Where do you live? Would love to meet you if you live in Oregon!

anyone from victoria australia here??!!!!!!!

hi there your not in Australia are you lol ;)?<br />
<br />
if not if there is any one in the Gladstone QLD area of Australia and looking for the same thing drop me a line lol

what (SHE) is saying is that she has never done this before an wants to expand her options. There is nothing wrong with wanting intimacy and touch when she isn't getting it from her husband. Bitter? no lonely yes. Therapy isn't going to give what she needs most. So you sit here and judge people on a daily basis Jack? Try living alone and unwanted some times. See where you go to find that some one to fill the void. Improve yourself by using something that doesn't apply here ( narrow mined and blind)

I know the feeling Ramasama, I am even looking for a great cyber with cam with a woamn whos needs are as strong as mine.

I think that most all that are reading this thread have the same desire for a no-strings affair....though you may say you don't...why are you even reading this thread in the first place if not?I for one would go for it if I had the opertunity

It is possible - you've both got to be looking for the same thing though. But when you find someone, it's just the best! Just make sure you are careful then no one will get hurt. xx

I too am in a sexless marriage. So far, I have simply satisfied myself and that works fine to achieve the desired ******, but I really miss the cuddling, kissing and running my hands over a woman's body. Actually, I love cuddling more than intercourse! I'm very lonely too, even though I'm married. I'm 64 years old and too damned young to stop having a physical relationship. I'm right there with you, jstwnabluvd ! Please contact me and lets see what happens. Retiredman.

I don't know if I can handle an affair. I too live in a sexless marriage. I have my needs and currently use the services of a massaur who does "full body massage" and have on some occasion called on the services of a professional. However, I do miss the intimacy. Guess what I'm saying is that it is still not time for me to have an affair but the thought intrigues me.

Yes, it can be done. And I would like to do it.

Neftali<br />
<br />
Thank you for your thoughful response. In retrospect , I would say that my wife and I were never overly demonstrative in showing affection to each other, which was something I regretted and wanted to improve. Whatever intimacy we had never recovered after the birth of our second child. Actually, my wife withdrew immediately after becoming pregnant this last time. I tried to be supportive and recognized that the stress of pregnacy might explain this development (we had two miscarriages), but it continued afterwards. She was always tired from raising the kids (which I agree is a full time job) and made it very clear in terms of her body language that she wanted nothing more to do with sex. I have spoken to her about this on several occasions over the past few years, and she agreed that sex no longer interests her. Once or twice she suggested half heartedly that she might talk to her doctor to see if she has a hormone deficiency, but I don't expect her to follow through. She also has balked at going to a counseler. Personally, I think she doesn't want to put herself in a situation where a professional might tell her that she needs change a bit. She is comfortable with who she is right now.<br />
<br />
At this point, I feel that I know her true feelings and that any sexual encounter would be more of a "duty call" from her perspective, and I don't want to put her through that. As strange as it may sound, during one of our last discussions on this topic (which was a year ago), I almost sensed that she might understand if I told her I might need to go elsewhere for some occasional intimacy. RIght now, I just don't know if I am imagining that, but I suppose I need to find out. Even if my sense is correct, I'm still not convinced that a series of infrequent affairs (perhaps with a married women in a similar situation) is the best way to go. All that having been said, I love my children, my wife and our family. I think my wife would admit that I am a very good father and involved with my children. I really have no desire to get a divorce. I just hate to think that have to go through the next 10 years celibate. I'm not ready for that either.<br />
<br />
At some point, I would be very curious to hear your overall impression on the value of counseling. Do people and relationships really change? For you, I sincerely hope it works.

The points made in the initial story and the following comments are all well taken. I also am in a "sexless marriage," but have respect for my spouse, enjoy her company and have two children (one in middle school and one in high school). I too feel that I should not be denied such a basic human need and wonder if a discreet affair might be the answer. In fact, I suspect my wife would not strenously ob<x>ject if the encounters were infrequent and I employed a "don't ask, don't tell " policy. Yet, is there really a "no strings attached" affair? The stress of keeping it secret and then, inevitably, breaking it off, could be significant. And I doubt that my youngest would understand if, somehow, events came to light.<br />
<br />
I have been thinking about having a more direct discussion with my wife in which I indicate that I simply am not willing to go another year without intimacy and see what she "recommends." If she wants to work on developing a more initimate relatiohship, that's fine and I'll be willing to go to counseling or whatever it might take. If she really doesn't want to go there (and that is my expectation), can she really be justified in telling me that I am not entitled to look elsewhere discretely? Even if I have her "permission" to occasionally look elsewhere without telling her, can it actually work? I really hate to think that my only option if I wish to be sexually active again is to divorce my wife. FYI, I have been faithful to her up to this point in time and I don't like the idea of going to a "professional escort." Any thoughts?

I'm in Australia and after 15 years of being married to a nun I too would love a no strings attached affair / one night stand occassionally So far I thank god for the occassional prostetute who saves my sanity But it would be good to know my part time partner was free and giving to me willingly

I also live in sexless marriage im 62 but still able she dosent desire sex any more so why not, she has had affairs during our marrriage stayed because of kids jobs,house lot to lose if we broke up , im in nc also but as we age people think we dont need sex lol funny that is,so go for it be carefull and most of all descrete

I was married for eight years had two kids, a girl and a boy.<br />
I've been divorced for nearly 25 years.<br />
I stayed single by choice, and I have no regets.<br />
I'm single, white and free... and happy

I read these posts and most are indeed heartfelt and sincere and yes they exhibit profound pain and longing. I feel for all of those who are in this same boat of living in a sexless/sensuality less or near sexless/sensuality less relationship. It like walking through a desert with no water. Some may callously say---"Oh stop, it is just an itch, or, just stop being so selfish".... They do not know what it is like to live life without this aspect being fulfilled. And as I man I will say I have had enough of the cultural cliche that assert woman have the feelings and men can just have sex with no emotions. This is a lie and I am standing up and saying it. Indeed some generalities about women and men may be true most of the time. But I have lived through 50 years of constant culturally accepted and even encouraged MALE bashing and I will NOT sit back and listen to the trash and not speak out against it. Most men are emotional, most men are communicators, most men do get emotionally attached. Let's stop the male bashing. Most of their so called generalities are simply false and yet they make some people feel superior.

Personally, I think you're a selfish *****...but that's just me. First of all, everything looks good now but a woman eventually has to be emotionally involved whereas a man can have just sex. There are so many people that would end up being hurt when and eventually you WILL be caught. Why don't you first divorce your husband and then look for a single man? I caught my husband of 26 years with another woman a month ago and it not only ripped my heart out but tore apart my family. My son will no longer even speak to his dad. Said he could have forgiven him the first weekend I caught his dad but not the following weekend. Things will NEVER be the same in a relationship once the trust is broken no matter how hard you work at it. I know this from an affair he had early in our marriage. It was much worse this time than the first. I haven't been able to eat, sleep, or even function normally as a person.<br />
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Leftyclefty, you're just going through the seven year itch...then add to it the excitement of what may be out there that you are unfamiliar with and want to experience because you were a virgin when you met your wife. There are MANY things out there BESIDES excitement that you would be risking bringing home to your wife. What you and your wife have is something very special and once you lose this it can never be recovered. Like you, I was a virgin when I married my husband. You're wife would never understand how you could possibly betray her and the relationship you two have. Maybe the two of you should try counseling, going away for a surprise romantic weekend. role play, etc. Don't be afraid to open up to your wife and say what's on your mind and don't expect her to just KNOW how you feel. Men and women think differently. Once there is a break in communication things will continue to go downhill unless you work towards recovering that now. No matter how good it may look now or how good it may feel it isn't worth the pain or chance of losing someone you love.

well done, go for it, but dont get in too deep if you value your marriage in every other way.

Wow, do I know that thought.<br />
<br />
I have been in a sexless marriage for the last 29 years. I came to the same conclusion. I thought I could find a lady who was in the same circumstance as me. Well for me, it has all be fantasy. Not many women want to have a "pleasure only" relationship. If you can find it with the right person, then you are ok. For me, I can find others who want to have a relationship, but not just for pleasure. <br />
A woman can surely find all she wants......you should have no problems there......<br />
I think is more fantasy. All I have found is a woman who wants more than just pleasure.<br />
I suppose it can happen......but how likely is it?<br />
Good luck in finding someone who you can trust and enjoy.

Is nothing sacred? I feel really sad for 1Babe. I've been in her shoes. Post an ad on Craigslist. They have a complete section on what you seek. Intimacy without the relationship...all discreet and everything. You can go ahead and get all the sex you want without having to screw up your marriage. And to think I believed that marriage was sacred...what the hell was I thinking!

I'm new to this forum...<br />
<br />
Here are my thoughts:<br />
<br />
I’m a married man in an unfulfilling marriage of 7 years. I believed in a traditional marriage when we got married, and we both were virgins when we got married. From day one I was happy, but over the course of the years, my wife has physically been less and less available. <br />
<br />
Now I’m looking at having an affair to get some of my needs met, since my wife doesn’t find them important. But at the same time, I love her and don’t want to leave her or hurt her. How does a man do something like this? How does he meet a woman who basically says, “You can live and love another woman, but still have me.” I don’t know… <br />
<br />
All this to say: I understand your frustration.<br />
Who wants to be in a marriage where they are neglected?

Ohhhh...I feel your pain
But same as yours...I believe in marriage
Then let's see what is the most important...
It's hard to decide...

Well,I also know how it feels when on spouse has a affair. I almost drove me insane. I had been so faithful to this person. Now,our relationship will never be the same and its been years since he had his affair. I don't have the trust..it has almost came back but there is still that little distrust in the back of my mind. But now I have been thinking about how it would feel to be with another..I have thought am I missing out on something and can I be happy in this relationship the rest of my life? He still acts as if he has selective memory to this day,but he can remember all the girlfriends he went out with 40 years ago!

I too live in a sexless marriage and wonder sometimes<br />
to find someone with no strings attached. My wife doesn't want to have why not?

1Babe.....When my DW started an affair with my best friend it almost destroyed me, and I found that a vengence f*uck may feel good, the hurt NEVER goes away.......

If anyone has ever been cheated on; this is so hard to take. It has ruined the closeness me and my husband had. I am not sure it will ever be the same. I am still trying to stay but I don't know what will happen. We had a wonderful relationship. I hate to think that because my husband was working out of the country and thought I wouldn't find out-it was worth it.<br />
I was the first women he was ever in love with and I held that in high regard. I have never cheated. 20 years of marriage and sex was worth betraying a loyal spouse. I will never be the same. I would NEVER do this to another woman.

I am also looking for a guy to have sex but no mental relation. Just come in enjoy together and leave the place just like a stranger

im in you want to start with chatting and see what develops?

You have the right idea! I'm always looking for a woman like you.

Unless you're callous and unemotional, there's not such thing as "no strings attached". I started an emotional relationship with a woman on EP in October 2008. We met on this forum. After months of Email, $700 cell phone bills, and IM sessions, we decided to meet (in Bali) in February 2009. We had a fabulous 10 days together in paradise, fell in love and had an impossible time living apart. It was so difficult to be apart that she came to the US to spend 11 days with me, and brought her 2 children with her. The intensity of our relationship elevated further. We lived like a family together, and I got to know her children and vice versa. Her leaving was a painful and teary event. When she got back to home (Australia), she decided it was so painful to be apart she had to move on. That news hurt - really hurt. She wrote me a final email, changed her phone #, moved to a new location and say goodbye. the next day my wife of 33 years filed for divorce. Still reeling from both of these event, a week later I was demoted from my job. I had become so emotionally attached to my new woman that I fell into a deep dpression, leading to my demotion. Now I live in an apartment, am fighting for my emotional and professional wellbeing - and feel very alone. So PLEASE - don't think there is such a thing as no strings attached. If you feel and have emotions, I found out the hard way it doesn't work that way.

Unless you're callous and unemotional, there's not such thing as "no strings attached". I started an emotional relationship with a woman on EP in October 2008. We met on this forum. After months of Email, $700 cell phone bills, and IM sessions, we decided to meet (in Bali) in February 2009. We had a fabulous 10 days together in paradise, fell in love and had an impossible time living apart. It was so difficult to be apart that she came to the US to spend 11 days with me, and brought her 2 children with her. The intensity of our relationship elevated further. We lived like a family together, and I got to know her children and vice versa. Her leaving was a painful and teary event. When she got back to home (Australia), she decided it was so painful to be apart she had to move on. That news hurt - really hurt. She wrote me a final email, changed her phone #, moved to a new location and say goodbye. the next day my wife of 33 years filed for divorce. Still reeling from both of these event, a week later I was demoted from my job. I had become so emotionally attached to my new woman that I fell into a deep dpression, leading to my demotion. Now I live in an apartment, am fighting for my emotional and professional wellbeing - and feel very alone. So PLEASE - don't think there is such a thing as no strings attached. If you feel and have emotions, I found out the hard way it doesn't work that way.

You sound like you have it well worked out , that is it sounds like you have reflected on what you need etc.<br />
Could be fine, would you need to keep it secret? Thats a whole other set of issues but I think we humans are naturall less monogamous that society says we should be

Yes there are lonely guys out here, Maybe something as simple as cyber chat would beat no conversation at all..

Yes, it's possible, at least I think it is. You are not alone. I am in the same situation (change the "he's" to "she's" and you are describing my marriage and situation. <br />
Just be careful - there are so many scams and fakes out there. Good luck!

I'd be surprised if you didn't get a lot of responses to this post!!! Free sex, to men, is like free pizza; no matter the toppings, it's great!<br />
<br />

There is a difference, DS, = free sex with many different people is what your reffering to, Here is someone looking for one person with benifits, often! the great part i agree with !!!

good on ya! :o)