I Deserve Better

I've been married now for 12 years and just found out about six months ago that my wife had a brief affair.  She denied everything saying that she and her coworker were just friends, but I know when I'm being lied to.  We went to counselling forseveral months but it didn't change anything in my mind.  She has at times made small efforts to be loving, but she's mostly secretive, non-affectionate and only concerned with herself.  As we have a small child together I will not divorce her right now.  I care too much for my child to lose an everyday life with them. The problem is my own state of mind.  I am borderline starving for love and affection and have only one choice to get that, an affiar. 
I've always prided my moral choices in life and will always be truthful and loyal to those in my life. But my wife destroyed our marriage in my mind and I can't reconnect with her on a loving,compassionate level. 

I live in the Chicago subburbs and would love to meet someone to share some discrete time with.  No, I'm not looking for flat out sex...I'm interested in finding someone genuine, who might be in a situation like me and deserve better, and who wants to get to know me.  My job allows me very flexible time during the week so I'm available to meet almost any weekday. 

If you're reading this and would like to talk, please email me.  I'm also interested in any comments readers have for me.  I'm in a dark place right now, very lonely and very much in need of someone to share some laughs and love with. 
light292 light292
36-40, M
2 Responses Jul 12, 2010

I am right where you are. It is very difficult. We're working on it, and a year and a half later, things are much better than they were. IN some areas things are better than ever, I admit it. And every once in awhile, I'm actually sort of happy that SOMETHING gave us a wakeup call. Although I wish it were something else. <br />
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The images fade. The jealousy relents. The confidence returns. The trust slowly returns ( although I'm not there fully yet ) <br />
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The only thing I struggle with is the need to even the score. I don't want to hurt my wife, I just want to fill an emptiness that her affair has cursed me with. It's stupid and wrong, and I haven't done it yet, but the "tug" is always there. <br />
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I stayed INITIALLY for the children, and I don't think that's a load of crap at all as suggested earlier. I'm glad I stayed for my kids. But now I stay for my marriage. WE're at a point now where she really needs to be doing more work than I am. Time will tell if my gamble paid off. I have a great program that I bought. It helped immensely. If interested, I'll shoot you a free PDF copy. Save you some money.

I don't intend to be married more than once. A discreet affair put a bounce in my step and a spring in my heart. I have no intention of clouding my fun and pleasure with the stress and pressure of gaining the approval of she who left me hanging to the point that I have chosen to walk this path.