Never Thought I'd End Up Here. Did Anyone?

I haven't read any of the other stories yet, but I have a sneaking suspicion many will be just like mine. About a year and a half ago, I discovered that my wife had a short, stupid affair with a kid from work. As affairs go, this is the kind you want your wife to have. The guy was an idiot, and he couldn't perform sexually due to the pressure of the whole thing. I uncovered all the gory emails about this. But the point was that they tried anyway, and it was still devastating. We have an otherwise nice life together, so an affair was the last thing anyone would have expected. I am trying to deal with this the best I can for myself and my family.

That said, I have a naggine desire to have a short stupid affair myself. At first it seemed I wanted this out of spite and revenge. But over time I felt like I wanted it just to prove that I was capable of the same thing she was. After even more time, I realized that her efforts to restore our marriage are not as strong as mine. And after even more time, I realize that I never knew what it was I wasn' getting, but now I do. She will never understand what her choices have done to me. Ever. And I an craving time with someone who does.

I'm a decent looking guy with a few bucks. I could have random sex if I wanted to. That won't scratch my itch. I am looking to meet someone who has been where I've been, and knows what it's like. I want to share an experience with someone who is in it with me for the right reasons, and can appreciate the experience for all its worth. And of course, someone who knows how NOT to get caught! :)

I don't want a lifetime love. I just want to meet someone who also has this particular itch, and see if we can't scratch it together.
Rufustang Rufustang
36-40, M
11 Responses Aug 3, 2010

Sweet! Yes, you know what you are doing and now you've blabbed the secret of our success to the world!

I found her, and about 10 more just like her on Craigslist. I know... not very creative. But instead of posting ads in the "Come F Me" section, or on those affair websites, I posted in the platonic section that I was married, and confused, and just looking to chat with another married woman out there who felt like she would like an ob<x>jective person to share her story with. I'd end up listening to their stories, only sharing little bits of my story and so on. They'd vent, I'd feign interest and eventually they'd send pictures, tell me things that are NONE of my business, and inevitably tell me I am the greatest man to walk the earth, and if only their husband had an ounce of what I had etc etc etc...<br />
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I noticed that the women in the F-me section were generally fake, or unattractive, but the platonic section seemed pretty normal. The woman I chose was a knockout, and an accomplished profesisonal. She was just in a bad way at home. A situation that I probably made much worse. Once I found Mrs " Let's do this" I told the others that I had found someone I liked, and would check back with them if things didn't work out. I expected them to disappear... but no. They waited patiently, said they were sorry things with Mrs Let's Do This didn't work out, and asked if I was still interested in playing the field. <br />
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I swear, if I knew it was this easy, and that this many women don't give a **** about their wedding vows ( hipocrisy alarm just went off ) I would never have gotten married in the first place.

Could you please tell the rest of us how you found her and why you think it's so easy to find married women for sex. I've found the opposite, not that I'm looking. Thanks.

Well, I did it. Had a short stupid affair. And wouldn't you know it, it was everything everyone told me it would be. It was lame, and stupid, and didn't help one single bit with the bad feelings I've been strugglign with. <br />
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What I liked: <br />
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1. She was/is gorgeous. This was a requirement of mine, because even though I didn't want to get caught, I wanted to make sure if I DID, it would be with someone whose looks would make my wife incredibly jealous. Check. This gal was a looker. Whew! I got lucky there. <br />
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2. She was married as well. Sorry Hubby. Even though I understand the pain you will feel if you ever learned about what I was doing to your wife, your pain simply didn't factor in. I wanted someone who was clean and safe and not prone to ruining my life and a married woman fit that bill better. I have nothing against you. In fact - I suggest you run for the hills. <br />
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3. The sex... oh my God. It was the kind I usually have to pay to download and just watch. Amazing. Truly amazing sex. Why on earth her husband is getting this kind of action, and doesn't cater to her a bit more is beyond me. If I was getting it like this at home, I'd be pretty friggen attentive.<br />
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What I didn't like: <br />
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1. I didn't feel vindicated at all. I just felt like my marriage is now even further tainted. I had the high moral ground, and I gave it up in an unsuccessful attempt to feel like I had evened the score. <br />
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2. I completely used another person, and had to suffer through a "break-up." It was amazing how quickly our "friends with benefits" agreement turned into something so much more difficult once we had sex. I mean, I'm prety decent in bed, but it was like I scrambled her brains, and the next day she had all this emotional attachment. I should have seen that one coming. ( no pun intended... ok, yes it was.) <br />
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3. I came home from my little "party" to hugs, kisses from the wife, and the worst of all... " Yay! Daddy's Home! Was your fishing trip fun?" Ouch. What a friggen heel I am. And not only did I feel the guilt of what I had just done, I also felt the sickening reality that I was once the loving and unsuspecting unsuspecting fool that my wife now was. All this work for the last two years on strengthening our marriage and communication, and here I am lying and cheating myself. It just wasn't supposed to be this way. <br />
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The only positive thing to come out of it, is that I now have a better undertanding of what she was going through. I believe her now when she says her boyfriend meant nothing, and it wasn't about the sex at all etc. I believe that she doesn't think of him, fondly or often. I believe that she did in fact love me, even while doing what she did, and that the consequences never felt real to her. Because I felt all of that, EXACTLY while screwing around myself. Weird. <br />
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So while I have some guilt, I also sort of feel like I have no regrets. It happened, its TOTALLY out of my system, and the allure of having another affair is absolutely gone for me. I'll never do it again - which incidentally helps me to believe my wife who has ben tryin gto assure me that she will never do it again either. <br />
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Would have been nice if we both felt this way in teh first place though. <br />
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PS. finding married women who are looking for affairs was so ungodly easy that it was actually scary. The amazing success I had with locating these women has actually caused me to lose a lot of faith in the bond of marriage to begin with. No wonder so many fail. It was like feeding candy to a baby.

where r u from?

I must also be given the life I need. And so far, she hasn't proven to be able to provide that. LIfe is hard. Raising kids is hard. Living with another adult is hard. Having both of us work is hard. Building a life together is hard. <br />
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To make is through in tact, you need to be able to rely on your partner for some of the very basics. Aside from all the emotional hurt that affairs, deceit, betrayal etc all cause, there is the very real truth that she risked my life. This kid was a young idiot, still out partying at the bars. She could have infected our family with HIV. <br />
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If I cannot rely on someone to at the very least protect me from easily preventable deadly diseases, then I cannot rely on them for very much at all can I? <br />
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Affairs are about a lot of things. But mostly they are about people blinding themselves to teh consequences of their actions. That is terrifying. Even worse is the reality that approximately 75% of marriages will involve infidelity at some point whether it is discovered or not. This tells me that marriage is an f'ing joke anyway. I see why they never tell you that stuff before you buy that stupid ring. But, I'm in it now, and committed to keeping all four of us under one roof. Trick is to make the time under that roof a mostly happy one.

In marriage, the reverse is irrelevant. You harp on because you are understandably hurt and you want to hurt her back. The two of you may never get passed it. <br />
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She does want to move on, because there is nothing she can do about the past. She can regret it, but each time you explode and show her your jealousy, she gets aroused. Every explosion reinforces her past. She can’t take the lead, it’s not really in her nature and as the “guilty” party she is doomed to play subservience for many many years. You must take the lead and find a way to truly forgive her. You must take the lead and show her that your love is undying and unconditional. You must take the lead and show her what a lifetime with you will be like; mostly roses and confections, the dream she spent her youth day dreaming about.<br />
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I could lead you into examining your behaviors that put her into a position for the affair if you like. From there, you will grow to understand her and your marriage and put into place the things that will be needed to forever lock her to you. Your greatest fear is that she cheated once, she might do it again, and in order to prevent this, you must give her the life she needs.

Of course you are absolutely right. I already know that affairs cause new problems without actually solving any existing ones. I am working on restoring my marriage first, and improving it second. But I have to be honest about these new urges I struggle with, and better here, than any of the myriad of forums where I might end up in trouble. <br />
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I'm at the point where I don't so much struggle with what she did. I've accepted it, and understand how easily it can happen. It's almost happened to me several times. What I struggle with more lately is what I perceive to be her poor handling of the aftermath. I show the classic pattern of harping on it until I think she "gets" exactly how much damage she's caused. She, in turn exhibits the classic behavior of just wanting us to get over it and move forward. Both of these behaviors need to stop, but I feel strongly that it is incumbant on her to take a lead ( or at least equal ) role in the clean-up. <br />
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I can assure you, if reversed, she'd be making my life hell in an effort to insure that I knew just how much damage I had done. That's if she stayed at all. Something I highly doubt someone with her level of narcissism would do.

The women that I have seduced are simply looking for a man to listen to them, appreciate them and to bring them mysterious thrills. In your situation, I would think that doing this for your wife would get better results for you than hunting akward first time sex with a nervous lady who's ******* you to take revenge on her unsatisfactory spouse.

One school of thought is that ALL affairs are based on revenge to one extent or another. Either direct revenge for a spouses infidelity, (mine) or out of revenge for other behaviors that one might find ob<x>jectionable. Having an affair because your "needs aren't being met" could easily be viewed as having an affair out of revenge for what you construe to be mistreatment. <br />
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I would guess that most people enter affairs with some sort of revenge motivator than out of pure boredom or uncontrollable libido. Look at the risk. Are boredom and boners enough to risk losing a house or children over?

No. When you read the stories you will find that very few of the posters have revenge factors pushing them to want to have affairs. Still, I hope you have a great time.