Is It An Affair If You're Not The One Who's Married?

He's married, I'm unattached - so I guess technically it isn't an affair on my side. And nothing physical has happened yet beyond a few stolen kisses. But "affair" seems like the right word for all the feelings that I have - excitement at the thought of doing something forbidden, the secrecy, the thrill of being desired, and of course - a lot of anticipated pleasure :)

There's so much longing beneath the facade that we present to the outside world as good friends. Knowing that he wants me so badly is a huge turn-on. There's a little spark every time our eyes meet, or at the merest brush of a fingertip. I fantasise constantly about making love to him - sometimes even in the middle of office meetings! In my mind, we've done it everywhere and tried everything - now it's the temptation to see how it measures up in reality, because in my mind it's oh so good!

All my life I've been seen as the "good girl" - now suddenly I feel as though I've tapped into a darker side of myself that I never thought existed. A side where I'd be willing to sleep with a married man and just abandon myself to desire.

The temptation is almost unbearable - it all hinges on my willpower. There's a standing invitation to his hotel room whenever he's in town. I'm not looking for him to leave his wife - he has nothing to fear on that front. It's the combination of having a deep affection for each other and the thought of physical intimacy with that other person that excites me. If it was just about the physical aspect, I'm sure there would be people out there (and on EP!) who would want no strings attached sex with a stranger.

As for the guilt - I think it would come - eventually. And when it does, I don't know how I would handle it. I'm pretty sure that he would regret it in the end too - but right now he's so horny that he's pushing that reality away. I could get by on my fantasies alone without needing to turn them into reality - they are pretty satisfying :) But if he ever got tired of the waiting game and set out to seduce me in earnest...oh boy.
mibby mibby
31-35, F
1 Response Sep 24, 2012

mmmmm... so sweet!

When you wrote "There's so much longing beneath the facade that we present to the outside world as good friends. Knowing that he wants me so badly is a huge turn-on. There's a little spark every time our eyes meet, or at the merest brush of a fingertip. I fantasise constantly about making love to him - sometimes even in the middle of office meetings! In my mind, we've done it everywhere and tried everything - now it's the temptation to see how it measures up in reality, because in my mind it's oh so good!" you so wonderfully described my thoughts and feelings for a younger woman that I work with. There is SUCH electricity in the air between us at times... I wonder what her feelings are towards me.