It Just Isn't Worth It

I was very unhappy the last 5 years of my marriage. I became friends with a single male co-worker. He flirted blatantly, and I admit I liked the attention. I even entertained the possibility of an affair, but in the end, it was a matter of integrity, honesty and fairness. I had known my husband since I was 16 yrs old, I had 2 children with him and I would never forgive him if he had an affair. While I was no longer in love with my husband, I wouldn't do anything that I know would hurt him, so I never had an affair.

What is rather ironic, is once I did tell him I wanted a separation, which was a few years after my office flirtation, I was accused of having an affair. He couldn't accept that I was just unhappy, that I must be leaving him for greener pastures. I don't think he ever accepted that I wasn't having an affair.


WittyOne WittyOne
46-50, F
6 Responses Aug 11, 2007

he would never admit that the reason why you left him is because you were unhappy but he would blame you of whatever reason,it's good to here that there are still people who can not cheat

Good for you _ I made that mistake and do not reccommend it to anybody<br />
I admire your view

Some people lie for that reason, but I suspect more lie for selfish reasons. They think by lieing they will avoid conflict, or it allows them to do as they please without concern for how their partner will feel about it, or they just don't have the guts to stand up for themselves.

I understand that feeling of being trapped, on account of being "loyal to a fault."<br />
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My ex and I separated and eventually divorced because I simply didn't feel "that way" about her, anymore. If somebody keeps hurting me, I move away from them. Plain and simple. It was very hard for her to stomach that-- even by her own admission, she said it would "have been easier" if I had just had an affair.<br />
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The truth often requires the greatest amount of integrity, yet is also what tends to hurt people the most.<br />
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Maybe that's the reason so many people lie.

Oh, I didn't wait to tell him I was unhappy, or the things about our relationship that I was unhappy about, he just chose not to do anything about it. He would say he understood where I was coming from and swear that things would be different, but they never were.<br />
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I'm the type that can't give up, even when I should, I hang in there too long. It got to a point where I started telling him, 'One day it will be the last straw and then I'm just getting out'. He obviously didn't believe me, but that is pretty much what happened.

Well that speaks highly of your character to not cheat on your husband even if you aren't in love with him anymore. It's unfortunate that he could not accept the truth. Maybe it was easier for him to blame it on you having an affair rather than a shortcoming within himself.