I Feel Bad But....

I want to have an affair. In fact, I think I need to have an affair.

     I have been married for three or four years. There is the first indicator of my need for an affair. Don't most women know down to the minute how long they have been married? I don't even know the year.

     I guess I am just lonely. My husband works ALL of the time. I feel like even when he is home I am alone. I am needy and he thinks that I should just get over it. I am 30 years old and I feel like I have been married for 50 years. I don't think that is normal. Maybe all marriages end up this way. Maybe my fantasies of a hot, sex-filled marriage are just that...fantasies. I know that I am being selfish. I know that relationships change and that I can not expect to feel the same spark we had when we first started dating. However, shouldn't some spark remain. Something? Anything? Don't get me wrong, I love him...I really do, but I need something that he just can't give me. I need to feel like me again. I have lost myself in this marriage and I know how to get myself back..but the cost is high. Will I ever go through with it? Maybe.... but I doubt that I have it in me.

elizabeth012778 elizabeth012778
26-30, F
7 Responses Mar 1, 2009

It seems way too soon in the marriage to need an affair...<br />
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It makes me question if the marriage is right for both of you to begin with...

If you have an affair. There will be no marriage left. <br />
Vows are vows. You need to talk to your husband. I mean really talk. I'm sure he has needs as well. There is a happy medium. I think every marriage goes through this at some point. I will be married 24 years in November and it hasn't always been roses. A couple of years ago it was a mess. After all those years to gether we realized we weren't talking. It may or may not work. If not... end the marriage. You are already hurting and will survive to find who you really are and what you want.

Elizabeth, I really think you need to try an affair. Edith actually jas some pretty good advice. Just take it to the next level. Keep your head up, because you are awsome.

Thanks to everyone for your advice. <br />
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Frostbear...I agree. I had not thought of it that way...thank you for your insight. Unfortunately, my husband is less-than-willing to play along : (<br />
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LovingPrincess...you have made a sad-but-true point. You have hit the nail on the head of my marriage more than you know.<br />
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Knight1963...you make great suggestions. I am sure that those things would work in an average marriage to an average man. However, my husband considers ********** to be cheating. He is in no way interested in me being with another woman. I have brought it up..and he is not on board. He is old-fashioned and very set in his ways for a young man of 33. I have tried spicing things up with sex toys and things like that, it is just no use. Thank you for your advice. Perhaps I will keep trying!<br />
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Highside...you could be right. Maybe I have just given up. I feel like I have put in the effort, but he is not willing to meet me halfway.<br />
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Edithsaffairs....I love your advice and I think you are exactly right. It is not the physical part of the affair...it's the feeling that it will give me to get some attention for a change. I knew how my husband was when I married him. He is not exactly Mr. Flexible, Mr. Romantic, or Mr. Sensitive. Anytime I remind him of that, he says "You knew how I was when you married me". What I hear is "I am not willing to meet you half way..I am what I am..deal with it." It is his unwillingness to compromise that drives me crazy. I am not getting a divorce, my husband has some great and hard-to-find qualities and despite what I say, I am loyal. I guess I have to find a way to make it work. Perhaps I need to "spoil myself" a little and find other ways to fill in the blanks of this marriage. <br />
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Once again, thanks for your comments. <br />
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I don't really know how to respond to individual comments yet, I hope this will do for now.<br />
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elizabeth ; )

Sweetheart relax,<br />
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Y our marriage will be fine. First find yourself somebody to let your hair down with, someone who will play. Eventually work in a *********, couples parties, ect.. all these things will put so much spice in your marriage. Don't know how to go about it all. e-mail me at knightpreacher@hushmail.com

You definately need some spice. Do you ever try sex games with other couples. Otherwise most definately go get some spice somewhere. You already have a relationship you just regular sex with someone.

Hi Elizabeth I see on your profile you feel you are a submissive. Maybe the feelings you are having is just your internal self looking to fulfill that part of you. I know I have been married for 26 years and that sex has become none existent. I also have found out recently that I have a side of me that yearns for the D/s Lifestyle. It's never too late to figure yourself out.