Almost An Affair. In Need.

I've had 2 male sexual relationship and one female one. The 2 guys were ex-boyfriends, and the female was just a drunken night and good kissing session.

Months after this female and I had sex, i met Kevin (changed his name) a good half a year without a male relationship of any kind I though Kevin was pretty nice. Good guy, not HOT but I certainly thought he was a cutie...a lot cuter than my past boyfriends... the same age as my most recent ex.

What is always in my head is that the only reason an older man would want to even talk to a younger girl was for the sex since girls their ages are usually more experienced with that sort of thing. But Kevin is only 4 or 5 months older than me so i thought that wouldn't be a big deal to worry about with him-- i had fun with him, I'll be naive to those things just so i could feel the way i felt with him.
I started to really like him... way too much, way too quick! This never happens to me! I'm usually a somewhat cold person when it comes to crushes and guys.
So i like this feeling...
And i start hearing things... things like him getting all these girls to sleep with him. GREAT, he's one of those... hopefully he won't expect that from me. PLEASE DON'T.

Everything is the same, he walks me home all the time, he's introducing me to friends, he's making future plans including me in everyone of them. His days revolve around me.
Wow I love how he's making me feel, ew I feel so girly and so... childish... what's wrong with me.

And i tell him I like him, i think he can take it. I find myself very honest with him, and he likes me too, he finds me pretty awesome.

One day... something changes. I hate this part, i see it happen to other people so much.

I loved his kisses, I loved his touch, I loved just walking with him around downtown after work (when he'd pick me up just to see me because he hasn't seen me the whole day)... why'd he have to be an idiot?

I'm very careful about who i sleep with and who I give myself to-- emotionally and physically and he would've been one of them but since i sensed that something about his conversation, his look, his everything shifted I didn't sleep with him! And that's a good thing.

To this day I don't know what happened, I haven't talked to him, I've seen him but ignored him because of shyness and embarasment fused together.

Last time i saw him, I was at his house, we had just watched a movie and we talked a lot and gave each other sweet little kisses... and he wanted sex.
I didn't give it to him.
It was time to go home. I tried kissing him at the door but no use, i wasn't getting MUCH back.
So i decided to walk those 2 miles home.

To my surprise guess who i see.
My most recent Ex-Boyfriend (who is leaving next week; he's in the Army) who was trying to get me back since we broke up. My longest relationship. My first EVERYTHING.

Nothing happened. After that Kevin would still kind of flirt with me maybe to see if he could still fix things, maybe to see if he could still fcuk me.

Right now the only reasonable explanation is that his friends must have said something. Since he was used to fcuking every girl he'd talk to and told everyone about it then my imagination is that one day that I didn't see him, the day anyone would call "boys night" and his friends talking to him about me, questioning him, asking him that since he had been spending so much time with me, if he had hit yet?
And as soon as he said no, they would him names and pressure him. Knowing guys this is the best i could come up with because my BEST Friends EVER are 3 guys... and i hang out with them 3 and their friends because they consider me one of the guys... and I've seen situations like these unfold before me... and now i feel bad for all those females that had their young and easily-influencial Mr. Potential's mind brainwashed by the stupid epiphany of their buddies.

Is this actually reasonable? I try not to blame the friends... but i can't help it, I'm somewhat hurt and in need of an affair.
EmJay EmJay
18-21, F
1 Response Aug 17, 2007

If you feel you are missing something unless you have an affair, I'd suggest you try it at least once to see how it makes you feel. If you feel terrible, don't do it again. If you enjoy it but feel guilty, figure out what your next step should be. If you enjoy it and don't feel bad...well, you've entered a new and different world...