Whew.  I haven't posted in awhile about my almost-affair.

I've known him for 7 years in a business relationship.  In the beginning, we were both very proper and then last year I admitted to him that I had dreams about him.  That took us to a new experience level.  We began flirting, seeing each other once a month for "business" lunches - we always kept it professional, but we knew it was more than business.  Every day we would email "thinking of you" type exchanges.  We met for drinks six months ago - we touched hands a few times, he touched my back as we entered the restaurant - very small things, but we were again very proper.  Then we started with email sex - graphic exchanges of desire.  Then he'd feel guilty and we'd stop.  I stopped thinking about him as often.  I felt like I had it under control.  I backed off some.  Then we started the chatting again.  We are drawn to each other - in a way that you don't find often.  Then I started sending him naughty pics of myself.  Then we met last night for drinks again.

This time... he was more vocal.  He wanted me to take my jacket off so he could see my plunging neck line that he knew I wore for him, because I had already asked him what he wanted to see.  Before we met, he sent me a sexy email of his desires and told me that he would be thinking about these things.  We spoke openly about our marriages, what we are missing.  We discussed other people having affairs, guilt.  I asked him "do you think it would be just sex for us?"  He said "no."  There's much more between us, which is what makes it dangerous.  There are feelings involved, a genuine connection - one of those that you know you would be with this person if you were not married - in fact, that is what he said.  We've truly been fighting it as best we can, but there is no denying the desire, the natural connection.  I believe it is impossible.

After sharing a bottle of wine, plus one more glass, we walked to his car.  I told him that I wanted to touch him.  He said "I know." I tried to resist the urge, but I couldn't.  I couldn't let him go this time without touching him... for the first time ever - I couldn't NOT touch him.  My typically controlled self was not as in control.

I pressed my body into his, but I turned my face away from his neck because I knew what my lips would do.  The smell of his skin intoxicated me.  The world paused for this second.  Still, I did not turn my lips to his neck.  I felt his arms around my waist as I pressed closer, closing my eyes, lost in the moment.... On the brink... of crossing the line....

He said "Walk away... just turn and walk away."  So I did, and I did not look back at him.

I'm curious as to how he's feeling about it this morning, but I am not emailing him first.  I thought about it all night.  It felt exactly as I knew it would.  Magnetic.  Powerful... and it was simply a hug.


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5 Responses Mar 13, 2009

i also know how you feel i went thru the same feeling you are having its wonderfull to feel needed and sexually stimulated,i felt the same yes i ended up having an affair wit her for 2 years till she moved away i still miss the feelings my wife never learned of it

Do enjoy the feeling and the emotions.Please let us know about the next developments.

LOK< OK you are right. so do the drama queen thing and have fun too :)

It does really suck to meet someone that makes you wish you were single. "drama"? The sex would be dramatic but drama?<br />
Have a great day.

I know you are in a tough spot emotionaly, and that you have many things to consider, but you and only you will know what is right for you. It's your life and you are the one that will have to decide. I hope whatever direction you go, that you share with us. This is fascinating, erotic and packed with drama. I look forward to the next update and I hope your life is and/or becomes what is best for you and your family......thanks again for sharing.....