He Cheated, Now I Want To.

I found out my husband had an affair 2 years ago.  I wanted a divorce at the time.  But we stayed together for the kids.  I never thought I would have an affair.  Ever...   But, I met this guy a week ago.  He made sense.  He said until I cheat back, I won't get over being hurt.  I know he was just trying to sleep with me.  But, it made sense to me.  I spend so much time being hurt, playing the role of the marter...  If I cheated back, perhaps I could get over what my husband did.

So, now I find myself looking into the eyes of other men...  where I always looked away.  I know I am wanting to have an affair. 

Advice??

onlyme43 onlyme43
41-45, F
4 Responses Aug 20, 2007

I think it is a good idea. My wife married me while still in love with another man. I had a series of wonderful affairs and enjoyed every moment of getting back at her. We are still married and openly talk about it now.

Dear prettyinpink,<br />
<br />
I too told myself that I would not ever cheat. I would leave first. But, I feel trapped. I asked him to let me go... so that I could be happy. He won't. I wanted a divorce when this all came out. I don't believe it was his first affair, and I don't think it will be his last. He claims to love me.. and I tell him that I can't trust him. He knows how I feel. I too have 2 children. They didn't have a choice in any of this. This is his biggest hold on me. <br />
<br />
I am tired of being a saint. I don't want to cheat in retribution. That isn't why I am considering it. It is to put this behind me. I am tired of being the victim. I think there is some truth in the idea that if I cheated, I will no longer feel like the inocent one... <br />
<br />
So it is a change in myself I am looking for... not to hurt him or the kids.<br />
<br />
Does this make any sense?

If we cannot act out on impulse or be free to make our own choices, what is the point of life? If you feel you'd like to cheat to get back at him, follow your impulse. Even if it were a mistake, it is simply a matter of choice...<br />
<br />
One of my own personal sayings on the matter: "Good and bad are just words society uses to condition our behavior toward or against certain actions. The words themselves, however, don't actually mean anything. What matters, what really matters, is choice: what you choose to do or not, and how that affects the person you see in the mirror tomorrow." <br />
<br />
If I make a "bad" decision but can still live with myself, I don't much care what someone else has to say against my actions. It's up to you what you do, don't let someone else define your morality for you.

Advice, hmmm... well thats a tough one. i think you're right about that guy telling you to cheat only cuz he wanted to be the one. i'm gonna throw an old standby into the ring... "two wrongs don't make a right", you also have to ask yourself, will i really feel better after...sure it might be fun in the moment, but i think i might feel so much guilt and almost feel dirty, i dunno.... i've always told myself, if i wasn't happy with someone, i would leave the relationship before i was with anyone else. now having said that, ive been married twice. my first husband who i have 2 kids with, i decided i was not going to stay just for the kids, because they would be worse off in my eyes for watching and hearing us fight all the time. it's only my advice, for whatever it's worth, but i would decide first if you want to stay in this relationship...... hope it's a little food for thought....