Married, Lonely, And Looking For A Mature, Understanding Partner Who Wants To Have Fun.......

 My husband lost interest in me sexually a long time ago.  I am lonely, looking for attention, affection, acceptance, and fun (things I am not currently sharing with my husband of 20+ years).  I like hiking, biking, camping, being outdoors (and sex).  Would like someone to share these experiences with.   It’s been difficult finding someone.  It seems the men I am attracted to, are hesitant  to get involved with me because I am married, though they are attracted to me otherwise.  Divorce is not an option at the moment, and I don’t want to have to wait till it is.  I want to live fully today, and for me that includes having a reciprocal relationship.  It would be easy for me to have an affair.  I would prefer to be open and honest about it, while not flaunting it in my husbands face.  I don’t believe he would be too hurt or shocked. 

livingjoyfully livingjoyfully
46-50, F
10 Responses Feb 28, 2010

Update - my affair is still going strong and gets better every time we meet! I think we are very compatable because we were very clear and honest about what we wanted before we even met. HIs ad on Craigslist read, "Married looking for lover". I answered, and was very clear on what I needed and wanted from a lover. He is perfect! We have spent an average of 1 day per week together, the entire day, morning till night. We have even taken a few trips together. It has been fantastic. He is everything I wanted, and I am everything he wanted.......and more..........

I am having an affair! I answered an add on craigslist about 2 weeks ago. We met for coffee the first time, and talked for 2 1/2 hours. Our next rendezvous lasted all day, we met at the beach, walked talked, held hands, kissed all day, then went back to his place for food and sex! Tomorrow is our next rendezvous. Can't wait. Haven't had so much fun in years! We are both in the same situation, married, etc. I am amazed at how easy this was.

The affairs I have had usually started with an innocent offer to have dinner or a glass of wine. They say within the first few minutes of meeting someone you make a judgment as to whether you would sleep with them or not. Even if it is in your sub-conscious mind. I could always tell when someone was interested. It's not hard to see if you know what to look for.<br />
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If you think your husband would be open to a dialogue on the subject, I would certainly go that route. I believe honesty is best. I tried for years to talk to my wife about my sexual desire for her. I just wanted to at least meet the average of maybe 3 times a week. For a long time it was maybe once a month. And if I didn't initiate or press the subject, it would go as long as 8 weeks before she would express an interest in me. She didn't want to sleep with me, but she didn't want anyone else to sleep with me either. I began to think maybe there was something wrong with me or that I wasn't performing well enough for her to desire me.<br />
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I never looked to have an affair, they usually just happened. I knew my wife did not approve of the idea. I asked her one time if she had found someone she would like to have sex with other than me, if she would talk to me about it. She said she would do it if she knew she wouldn't get caught, but she would never tell me about it. That told me we did not have the kind of relationship I thought we had.<br />
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I would caution you that anything can happen in these affairs. I had one about 6 months ago that was supposed to be a friends with benefits no strings attached relationship. My wife found out about it and became upset. I stopped seeing the woman, but she said she was in love with me. I did not love her although sexually she was everything I could ever ask for. The first time I met with her we had sex for 6 hours straight. I have never done that with my wife...never.

Well I don't know about you, but I find it impossible to bring up the subject of having an affair with someone I might see in real life... I mean... how would that be possible to do and keep my situation and solution some kind of secret? <br />
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I think EP is the perfect place to first identify someone who is looking for the same thing you are looking for.<br />
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James<br />
Atlanta<br />
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(see how easy it is to let someone know where you are in the world.)

I guess my initial post does sound like a personnel ad looking for love online. I really meant someone to meet in person, in my daily life, while I am out and about. I'm not familiar with the online experience. I'm obviously new to all this, when I was single 20+ years ago, there was no such thing as online dating. I'm not sure how I feel about it yet.

I drove myseld crazy for years trying to figure that one out. All I know is that it is not about me. Its way to hard to figure him out. He is very complicated. I don't waste my energy on that anymore. I did take it personally for many years, his rejection and coldness, it nearly killed me, and I am still recovering from the damage to my health.

Why do you think your husband lost interest in you?

I didn't really think about hooking up with someone and having an affair through meeting on this website, thats not why I posted or joined, but I guess you never know what can happen....... What I was looking for was advise on how to attract someone to have an affair while I am married. So far I've been striking out. I try not to take it personally, the rejection, because I know it is just because I am married. I think what I figured out so far, is to not give up on anyone I am interested in, give it time, be patient, they may come around, the more they get to know me, even if it takes years......yikes! But also, not to give up trying with any new potential partners I may meet in the future who I am attracted to. The better my chances of one day succeeding. Sounds like reasonable advice and makes sense to me.

Yes that is one of the problems of this website- hard to tell where anyone is from.

We sound like kindred souls! Bill in Va.