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Its a Mistake

i would say stay away
i'm married been w my h for 26 years and about 5 yrs ago we got into a situation with a paid girl...it was great at the time - a massive turn on for us both, and after so long together i thought whats wrong with spicing things up a bit?
i really like girls. but i do want them to pay attention to me. my h has always been a bit selfish in bed - not very experimental and not very giving...so to find someone who actually wants to play, to suck, touch and more is good no?
we carried on and have had some wild hot really sexy nights but i feel i'm being sidelined now.
further history includes my h having 2 long term affairs prior to our embarking on **********. also 2 planned pregnancies which were terminated (hers not mine) we have 2 teenage children.
we've been together since i was 17 and he basically rules my life. largely, i am happy with that - i am a rubbish decision maker, i like to please and my h is actually a nice person! We have a great life, lovely home, fab hols etc etc however he has discovered the power of his wallet! he has little interest in socialising w "normal" couples so when we go out it is generally with an entourage of young pretty girls. we go to exclusive members clubs and anyone can order anything no matter how expensive. now i feel i am competing with these girls.and quite honestly, if i were my h i know who i would pick!
don't get me wromg - i'm attractive fun nice although i have weight issues. i go from quite plump to v slim but now i am punishing my h by being fat. i am making myself unattractive to him.
i just think whats the point.
he likes to go out, get drunk find a girl and sleep w her. he SAYS its his best thing when i join in, but mostly i don't get any action.
so i punish him more and stay home.
makes no difference he still goes out finds a chick and sleeps with her and always comes home to me- even if it is 7am
mostly once he's been with his target girl they don't come out with us/him again.
so now what do i do?
he tells me most of whats going on and in his eyes that makes it ok.
i live in fear he will find an exception and fall in love with her and leave me.
i feel rejected, hurt, disgusted and worst of all powerless.
i have no financial strength - i work for him and he pays for everything. we do have a good life. but i have NO money of my own.
my family lives overseas and i would be so ashamed to cofide in my mother or sister - they think he is the anaswer to a maidens prayer - indeed he has helped them both financially and treated them to holidays and gifts.
i just want him to recognize how fabulous i am!
his family adore me - and i them. i am a kind polite, semi-intelligent warm, funny nad loving woman. and a fabulous mother. i can cook.
i'm not extravagant. i do his laundry, pick up his socks and try to make a nice home.
i like to have fun. i drink and smoke and want to have sex. with. my. husband.
so do i find a f***buddy and just carry on.
where do i get the strength to make him stop.
he says it will all be over soon and i have no right to call it a day on our games as i was so willing in the beginning.
i'm petrified my kids will find out.
i want some semblance of normality and maybe some extra curricular fun that is totally private to us. but he boasts about his conquests and it belittles me.
ive tried every which way to get my point across but he just wont listen. he likes to show off his riches and pays for girls to come on holiday with us. goodness knows what our children think...
dont start unless you are sure you can stop it when YOU want to.
i cant. and its a disaster

 

soozywong soozywong 41-45 3 Responses Jul 1, 2009

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I think you need to tell him how you feel and work it out so what ever you both decide to do works for both of you.

you have to lay down some boundaries and stick to them, if you want him to stop! absolutely stick to your boundaries!!!

"i want some semblance of normality and maybe some extra curricular fun that is totally private to us" totally totally reasonable. have you told him your feelings? if he doesn't listen then you should do something to stop him. Sounds like a real mess. God bless you and I hope you find a way out.