Let Me Live

I just want to have fun again... to live and smile and just be the me I used to be. I was so much fun back in the day, before life took hold of me and pushed me into this corner. I laughed often, okay giggled, and I was bouncy and full of joy. Where did that do? What happened along the road to bring me to this? I can't even look in the mirror anymore as I no longer see that person and it scares me.

When? Why? What? went wrong??? I know part of it is growing up but why does it have to take away all of the good things that I once knew...

I still try to bring it out, at least with the kids. I love to run and play and just be silly with them and it's only then that I remember how it used to be. I grew up way too fast, too much too soon and now I suffer for days I lost, days I can never get back... left with only the memories of what once was.

... how sad am i... *sniffle* it catches up with me sometimes... like today.

mysplitpersonality mysplitpersonality
36-40, F
6 Responses May 15, 2008

Hello, I'm 34years old with the lupus &rheumatoid arthritis and recovering from bell's palsy.I,hate it ,I want to go out clubbing,I want to work like I was before that's gone my energy its the worst that gets the best of me ,I can't do a lot, like before !I was always jumpy had many plans from morning till late nights a fast pace person always moving around with great ideas.Now I gotta be calm,relaxed mind and body and taking it slow my children have to help with a large sum of chores,i must eat healthy ,I must push to exercise even if it hurts,plenty of bed rest ,so ,I understand you !!!with all the information there is in the world how to care for your self and find your self not functioning the way we were its hard to bear ,all we can do its, to learn how to deal with it and never gave up and be grateful for your ,alive and for the ones involved in your life!!!!!

"All phenomena of existence have mind as their precursor, mind as their supreme leader, and of the mind are they made. If one can live life with a pure heart, happiness will follow like the shadow that never leaves him."<br />
That child still exists within you. You just have to embrace her/him...Let go of all the regret you have for growing up and start realizing what you do have. Then you will be the happiest person alive. :)

I went through three years of that. It was a whole combination of things that brought me out of it but the main thing I think is choosing to leave that behind. to actively look for what feels right, to find a foundation and start building a new life. the most crucial thing is to decide to be happy. happiness doesn't have to be giggling. giggling is part of it but happiness stems from contentment, being satisfied with what you have. if your life isn't something you're happy with then start changing things up. choose to be happy and then look for it. <br />
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i'm not going to preach at you because I don't want to offend you but whenever I feel like that, I always turn to my Bible. this verse in particular. please don't be offended if I share it with you.<br />
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Isaiah 43:1-2 "But now... the Lord who created you says: "Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. I have called you by name; you are mine. When you go through deep waters and great trouble, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown! When you walk through fires of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you. For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy one of Israel, your Saviour."

I feel the same. What I'm going to do is, make a list of all the things that used to make me happy.. then take a day off from work and check everything off my list. I think you should do the same.

Oh how very sad... I am so sorry. It will get better darlin', you'll see.

I feel the same... I named my account 'effervescence' in honor of the days when I was extremely happy and always laughing.<br />
I'm smiling in every picture from my childhood.. I don't know where it came from, I was just always smiling and always happy.<br />
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And now I'm known for how little I smile... I desperately want it to change back and start living again.