Struggle

keep at it jane it will happen if you want it bad enough. i did it and if i cando it any one can.

You are beautiful! Not sure if you have found this yet. You Are Not Alone (google it) a TG support site with lots girls like us

Read my story "THE BRAMBLE" on my blog,in fact you could just browse around there I have many stories you might like.
http://shellesbutterflyproject.wordpress.com/
You should at least see a therapist about your problem,It will get worse as you get older it doesn't go away ever. It drives a large number of us to suicide don't become a statistic.

Forget all cruel people around us. I'm born as half a female, I always hear sarcasm about it. Now I am shielded. I wear it proudly. I'm happy to have it...

yes it is a stronger the feelings be female all the time

I feel the same way, and I now live as a female full time. I am too old for the surgery though and will have to rely on hormones to transform myself

i so understand your feeling. you have freinds that understand.

me too hun

hugs

Your feelings are mine exactly. I have had a wonderful life to this point, I wouldn't change any of it because of my kids. However, I have always wanted to be a woman. I will always want to be a woman and it is disheartening that I cannot make that happen. I will mimic others, you are not a freak, there are many of us out there.

There are a lot of us who feel exactly the same way you do,you're not a freak,not by a long shot
Jayne xxx

Life posses many obstacles and many more for a person living a transgender life. So many times you hear the dissenters condemning us with their ignorance. So much so we either crawl back into our shells or harm ourselves with drugs or by taking our own life. In us the desires are so strong to be someone that the world claims we are not. And it is never easy in trying to adjust to those predisposed expectations. This is the crux of being who we are. You and I both know who we are, but the world disagrees. What can we do to change this unfair perception? In the immediate very little, in the long run as much as those who have brought being gay into the lime light, landing on the moon possible, flying through the air, powering a light bulb, crossing uncharted seas. You see the world changes, and perceptions change, but not over night. Knowing that you and I are part of those changes, (if we live pridefully of who we are) helps us to deal with the little obstacles of life. We may not have everyone on our side, but each day we gain one or two more who will see and seek to understand more. Learn your patience and learn what it is you need to do to be you, accept what ever responsibilities you have and try to merge them in the best way that you can. We can't ever let those that say were are wrong about who and what we are, because they are the ones who are actually in the wrong. Have faith in yourself and the courage to be who you are. Be fair to others and forgive their trespasses as you would want them to forgive you.

Even with a lot of support, it's still hard to transition into becoming a woman full time. I've had a lot of support, and it's still hard at times. I lived as a woman for 8 years before going back to living as a man (though I've never really considered myself a man).

Leaving the woman I was behind was a mistake and I'm now on a path to correct it. The changes you'll go through are not easy, though I've enjoyed my changes, but there are times, trust me, when it's hard and you have doubts.

I just had my voice changed and while I love it, there are times when I have my doubts. My double orchiectomy (castration) was big, but I could always hide that from people, but a voice change and breast growth, well, that's another story. I can't hide the voice I have now, so while I'm sure I want to be a woman in a year or so, there really is no going back. That can be a little scarey.

When my life ends, I'm not going to die a man, I'll be a woman. Hopefully an old woman but still, a woman. It's enough to give you pause to say the least. Hope the best for you.

Jane,
if you have your own way of living, I think you shouldn't be ashamed and hide who you truly are. You may think I don't understand you as I'm not the way you are, but still - I always thought that I'm not to judge anyone. People shouldn't judge each other, at least not so easily just by looking at them.
I think, you should fight for who you are, I wish you good luck with that. I hope, one day you'll be happy, looking at yourself in the mirror, and living your life. 'cause everyone should be happy - and that's the law everyone have, no matter who they are, and how they live. That's just my opinion :)

Hello. We / you, are who & what we are. I am a tranny & I love being a tranny. Not a boy, not a girl, just a tranny. We are what we are in our minds, Jane. That is the most important thing. I am able to feel who that I want to be. I have done for the last over forty years. I have been fortunate in that I have been able to live my life as Shirley, full time day in & out. Not every tranny feels confident to do that. I made a conscious decission at age 24 to become Shirley, and from then that is who I have been. Following a serious flu virus infection just over ten years ago, I had to have a bit of surgery. It turned out that I had grown some female bits inside of me. I was aware that I had feminised (never taken pills) as I had grown my own breasts (only very modest) and all of my body & face hair had disappeared. Somewhere out there, our minds can & do bend us. Look at female athletes who look more like blokes than females. I was on hols staying in a farmhouse. The farmers wife looked totally male.
So Jane, don't give up & please don't do anything without full thought. The idea that all girls are girly & look like fashion models is mostly a myth. I bet when you are looking your best, you are a better looking Jane than any number of Janes in your town. Think Jane, be Jane & I am sure that you will be, I mean that you are. Whahey!

So many of us here share your experience and feelings to one extent or another. Some seek therapy or outside support, others just bury those aspects of themselves they feel they cannot reveal openly. By all means, find something to clear the log jam, whether it's a therapist, friend, or a support group that meets to go out dressed, find something to ease your pain. Good luck and enjoy this gift.

I know you wrote this moths ago (about the time I joined) and I know your problem. I too lived feeling out of place, a freak as you put it and I thought no one could possibly understand. I grew more and more miserable, withdrawn and basically friendless until one day my female side broke free. I have changed so much in letting the real me out and I have become a very out going person now. I have real friends, both here on EP and in the real world. People are coming to me and complimenting me on my looks and new attitude. I have even started on HRT and feel so much better now that I have real breast that requires a bra. I am now the real me and enjoying every minute of it. I know there is a lot to fear and for good reason. I was afraid to tell anyone what I was but before they will let you start HRT you have to tell everyone. I chose a friend first, he is gay and I figured he would understand better than anyone, but I was to blunt with him and let me tell you I have never seen someone run so fast for a door in my life. It was hard to take and I struggled to tell anyone else. I finally decided to tell my mom and sister. My mom says she accepts me no mater what and she has helped me out quit a bit she is holding back. My also said she accepts me but now she wont let her children around me. I told my job and co-works and every one of them not only accepted me they have embraced me with open arms. My friend eventually returned and now we have a whole knew relationship. I am no longer the cute guy he crushes on I am just one of the girls. I have met and made friends with several of his gay friends and have started getting guys hitting on me. I am fully enjoying the attention I am getting from everyone and I know my sister will one day come around. If your 1976 is the year you were born you are only about 2 years older than me. My birthday is in a week and I was told people start much later as well. We are not freaks nor are we truly built wrong, we are just different by design and we have to find who we are. We are ourselves when we embrace it with all of our heart. Never forget that and let it help you.

Rose

I fully understand.

I hope you get your deepest desires!!

It is not at all hard for me to understand. I so wish I could be a female to. I want the choice of wearing what ever I want to. I want frilly silky. I want dresses, skirts, short shorts, panties of any color or material I want to and any piece of fem clothing I choose. I want heels if that is what I feel like that day. zI want long hair and a bra and makeup and lipstick, and nail polish. I want to date enfem and be treated like a lady.

I don't consider myself or anyone going through what we are experiencing any thing close to being a freak! You are a just a person with an internal struggle, as so many others here battle daily.
You are a beautiful soul, and I wish you nothing but the best possible. Candice

I know exactly how you feel. I am living full time now, It's sometimes not easy. I have a company that accepts me for the most part. O n the home front is a different story.

I feel like a factory defect,like I should live in the land of unwanted toys.

You'll make it through Jane. All we have to do is wake up each morning and survive. Once it is our time to go back home your feminine spirit will eternally be the woman that you are.

Understand completely!!

u are not a freak.. all my live i have wanted to be female event in the army.. if u want to do it just do it for your self and have fun doing it

The best advice is your own ...you have to get on with it and be grateful for what you do have. Accepting who your are is the first step. There are so many people like yourself all over the world with the deep-seeded need to be female ...and you can chat with thousands of them right here on EP. Some have decided to live secretly to one extent or another in their girlish dreams and others (like myself) live full time in full feminine attire. I have found many helpful friends on EP who have helped me accept who I am and encouraged me to stop looking backwards. There are still countless others who accepted surgery as the only means to become who they are on the inside. None of these choices are easy, but with research, you will find many resources to help you accept, or become, the person you were meant to be. Good luck ...and try to keep your spirits up.

Fabulous sweetie
Hugs
Sammi

Its easy to understand Jane and as Sierra says its all about your own happiness. I wear kilts a lot of the time now because I got to like the kilt as a boy here. I liked it though for the reason that it was a 'skirty' type garment but I could wear it and nobody turned a head. It ttok me a while to realise that anyone who has a desire to be something or to do something should get on with it. Life is short and its your happiness that counts.