Meant To Be?He was perfect-
well as perfect as a 10 year old boy can get.
He had jet black hair, light brown eyes, a great smile, tan complexion. I'm not sure how he did it, but he always seemed to look "that" way, where you almost seem to glow. Of course, that might have just been my hormones talking, but what are you going to do?
It was the 4th school I had moved to since first grade and I found myself struggling to survive as the "new kid" once again. I hadn't had very much luck in my last school, where I had been bullied by the popular kids. Fortunately I moved immediatley after summer started, so I never had to deal with those kids again.
So it was September 3rd, first day of fifth grade. A new year. One of my only friends from my last school had also transferred to this school, and I was glad I didn't have to be alone. We were labled as the new girls of grade 5, of course, but I found it easier to like this school- particulary because of a cute dark haired boy I had spotted.
There were two fifth grade classes that year; both were split grades. Mine was the grade 4/5 class, his was the grade 5/6 class. Of course, being in different classes and all, you would wonder how I managed to still have a crush on him. Well it just so happened that I would be bumping into him quite a bit, leaving me and him both surprised.
One of the first memories I have of my first crush, is the day I came out of the washroom... just to run into him and one of his friends.
I remember feeling panicked and anxious all at once, and I quickly put my head down and walked by them quickly. But I was still close enough to hear his friend say, "Hey, is that her?" and my crush mumbling something before walking down the hall.
I remember stopping and turning around, just to see them turn the bend towards the restrooms. I had thought about what they said nearly a thousand times that day in class and finally wondered, or even hoped, if maybe, just maybe... he liked me?
I started creating fantasies/stories in my head, where his friend would ask, "Hey is that her, you know, the girl you like?" And he would blush and smile, maybe nod. I knew that his friend might have just been asking if I was one of the new girls, but I was too infatuated to think reasonably.
It was around this time that I started to feel this great pressure around me that always occured whenever my crush was around. I knew that whenever I blushed it clearly showed, especially since I could feel the blood rush to my face. I felt self-conscience and nervous and happy and everything a girl feels whenever she's attracted to someone. I had no idea when this change had taken place, but I did know that I was completely heads over heels for this guy.
I kept diaries, journals- anything I could pour my pre-teen heart into, scribbling stories about us, notes on what he did that week; all of this went into the stack of journals that I still keep today. I felt like every school day was a great one, just because he was also a part of it. I also happened to take the same bus as him since we lived in the same neighborhood and I truly believed that we were meant to be and would eventually end up together.
And this could have been possible except for one big problem.
We never talked.
Yes, the sad truth was, I hadn't been able to get enough courage to actually talk to the guy. He was just too cute- I imagined that I'd blush and babble random stuff and practically weird him out. I couldn't bring myself to make a total fool out of myself in front of him, so I just kept quiet, bit my lip and "crushed" from afar.
But this wasn't the ending.
To make a very long story short, at the end of that year I was told by some of my crush's friends that he did like me, I went to go ask him in person but he had left for an early summer vacation, I lost all confidence by sixth grade, got some of it back when we actually spoke to each other for the first time, watched him start to have feelings for another girl right in front of me, got heartbroken, watched him move to another school, almost died, started liking another boy within the years I hadn't seen him, re-met up with my crush coincidentally... and now?
Now i'm smiling at the text he sent me saying that he remembers me.
And so it starts again.