Just To Hear You Say Those Words And Mean It.

I've never taken people seriously, no comments. I've grown used to being made fun of, for being a six foot girl, to an overweight, tall woman. I've had people do the 'my friend thinks you're hot' trick, and eventually I grew cold. I grew a think emotional skin around my heart that guarded me from the stupidity of emotions. In truth I am not an emotionless sod, but I am cold. I don't know how to tell if someone actually means what they say when they talk to me. Compliments, when given to me are always taken as a joke, because up until college that was what they all were. They were horrible nasty pranks that tore my self-esteem apart.

When I hit college I gained friends that like me were single and sort of shut in-ish. I've become great friends with them. But what happens with all of my friends is that I slowly pull back and watch them. As if I have become a scientist. Though I see their insecurities, and I put on an act of being a sad story. But to me they seem, depressing. Complaining about emotional things that don't compute with my Brain. I'm a problem solver.

Then I look at myself, if I'm such a problem solver why am I such a shut in? Why do I push away other people? I guess the human factor is to blame. My own cutting off of my emotions, those little feeler like strands that connect you to the rest of the withering horde of faceless people. I have cut them off.

So I wonder, can someone compliment me. Say I have beautiful eyes, say I'm beautiful without me blowing them off? Will my dead emotional receptors pick up on those emotions the other portrays? Or will I simply file it away in my insult section of my Brain and walk away?

Can someone say your beautiful to me, and mean it? At least...to me?

fateblitz fateblitz
18-21, F
Feb 20, 2010