I Know I'm Loved ... But ...

I've never understood why men I have loved ... and who love me ... have always (almost without exception) been reluctant to say those three little words ...

What is it with men?

I know it's a complaint from a lot of women ... and I know I'm not alone. 

Why are men so afraid of saying "I love you".  It's not a trick or a lure or a trap of some sort. 

My husband says why do I need to hear it?  I should be able to tell from the things he does for me.  He'll say things like "You know I love you because ..." and then give me a list of the nice things he does ... like I'm supposed to be keeping a note somehow ... or supposed to be grateful. 

I'm sorry ... I'll never understand the reluctance.

womaninbliss womaninbliss
51-55, F
17 Responses Aug 10, 2010

it is a balance bjckabcd. Not too much either way I think, somewhere in the middle.

finding the balance is the key, too much too little both a problem at least during or after sex and on leaving for business trips and returning,

Say it every day .........

I understand exactly what you mean Miss WIB. I was married to a man for 30 years and in all that time he rarely said, "I love you". Usually it was only when prompted and ALWAYS prefaced with "you know that, I married you didn't I?", oooh, how romantic! Things fell apart (for sundry reasons) and I am now married to a man who not only shows it in every way, he says it almost every day and with as much passion & meaning as when we met 5 years ago, never in a bored drone. It's amazing to me why some men don't seem to understand how important and how special those three words make their wife or SO feel and how much better their life could be if only they would used those words a little more often. I, too, believe that actions speak louder than words, but words are are powerful and when put with those actions only serve to make me want to rock his world!

that's true Southernman ... perhaps I expect too much.

For many there is also the fear of rejection behind saying those three words.

Perhaps that's it Starwolf ... shyness ... maybe ... <br />
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I hear you chiquita ... I'd be happier not hearing it if I was unsure about what might be hidden behind the statement.<br />
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((hugs)) ApeyNic ... that's very sad ... you're probably right!

Aww, ApeyNic....if that weren't so tragic, it would be funny. = )

The words without genuine feelings behind them are meaningless....I would rather not hear them at all. I don't appreciate disingenuous emotions. Silence is less painful to me.

I love the way you express yourself StarWolf77 ... I think "I love you" has so much power and the potential to transform ... perhaps that's the key to the mystery ... people are afraid of its power.

thanks grey and southernman. I don't really think it has much significance ... in terms of sincerity ... actions do speak louder than words ... but it just feels to me that sometimes men are reluctant to say it because it might feel like it would be misunderstood in some way ... I don't really understand what the problem is.

Words spoken to often do loose their meaning, I have to agree with chiquita on that. . Actions can convey emotions just as well, a warm embrace.<br />
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The way you look at the other person.<br />
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A simple touch, the way you place your hand on them all can convey the feelings of love<br />
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But sprinkle that with those 3 magic words "I Love You" and it's taken to a whole different level.

I cannot count how many times I have exchanged these words. From MY perspective if it is hard for someone to say it they either do not mean it or somehow feel guilty saying it because they are unsure of their feelings. If they say it too much it is probabluty meaningless. In truth action speak louder than words. It is hard to find a happy medium when it comes to how often it is said in a relationship. Regardless of words it has to be felt but if it is felt it shouldn't be hard to say.

striking a balance seems to be the key chiquita - but so few seem to be able to manage it!!

My hub says it constantly, so much so, that it has lost it's meaning. <br />
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I am constantly reminding him that actions speak louder than words. *sigh*

well you are obviously an exception mtvlm ... glad to hear there's hope ...

I say I love you, the problem is the women that I say it to have a hard time believing me...