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My Own Stupidity

I've been with my husband for 22 years, married for 20.  Never--ever has he said "I love you" to me.  It's just not natural.  When I ask him if he loves me, he says you know I do.  Well guess what?  I don't.  Just say the words, I plead.  He shakes his head and walks away...........

My kids still tell me, thank god.  My parents used to say it all the time.  My father still does.  I didn't realize when I was young and stupid how much those three little words meant to me.

Now, I do. 

 Update 7/3/08

Today the only thing I can say about all this nonsense is "oh well, his loss".  It's a reasonable request, want, desire from your should have been wasn't........time to let it go and move forward..........


I've learned a lot since writing this oh-so-long-ago.  I've learned  what I love you sounds and feels like when there is no emotion behind it.  I've learned what it sounds and feels like when there is emotion behind it.  I've also learned that actions need to back up the words...and can even replace them at times.  I've learned how not to settle for husband and I are not together anymore, but remain friends.  I'm in a relationship with a man who loves me deeply and in the way I like to be loved...and he let's me love him back...remember, love and loving is not a  one size fits all emotion...

Do NOT ever settle...I don't care who you are...who you think you are....or who you think you're not....everyone deserves to be loved....


goddessone goddessone 41-45, F 197 Responses Feb 16, 2008

Your Response


Emotional, he may have felt it, but not only did he not say it, but neither did he show it. Not anymore. The point is moot as we have chosen to go forward with the divorce.<br />
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If you feel it for your husband, and don't say it, make sure you show him.

Did your husband say I love you when you first dated or soon after your marriage. I appreciate hearing those three little ... and I was lucky to hear them often from my second husband. Best wishes to you. Nan

Nope, never said it...and he won't have the chance.

that leaves more chance for us. LOL

That's right sweetheart, it does...LOL

mine tells me every day --they are just words that mean nothing.

I hear your pain....for me....i hear the words all of the time from my wife, and yet they have the same strength, the same weight, emotion, and the same passion as if she were asking for me to pass the peas. Ive always thought that people who say it as often as my wife does...belittles the very idea of those special words. And sure....its a shame your husband never used them at all....but what i have is a barrage of them with as much meaning as the seldom used ones you have. Add the kisses a get that are as cold as ice.....<br />
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and i might as well have married my old college dorm least he didnt have a shopping addiction to QVC.<br />
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I do wish you all the best....and hope that someday you find a man that can not just say those words you seek...but mean them. Feel them....own them

I hope that you find a woman who can do the same for you, Abyss.

Just my little quirky thought on this. I reckon the words do mean something and that there is love behind them. But just because someone loves you doesn't necessarily mean that they are loving you or in love with you - does that make sense?

makes sense to me, but it doesn't help, lol.

It makes absolute sense to me. Does that make me a quirky girl? LOL

"Deeds not words" love... the problem is, there's no actions to provide proof either.

DS and HWP, do we really need to answer IDM's question on whether she's ahem..a 'quirky girl'?

Lao, must you egg them on?

No, but ther'es no reason he can't have fun too...

Ah..DS...who was it who sang "More than words"? Appropriate don't you think? Who's egging people on - not me (LOL).

I'm leaving the quirky thing alone. I feel sorry for those poor fish in the barrel.

Ah HWP - always ringside seat for you - just watching and waiting (LOL).

Extreme, Lao. 1990. <br />
<br />
The lead singer became an interim singer for Van Halen after Extreme went belly up.

You guys are too much...LOL

nah, we're all "just enough."

Ah yes - I thought you'd know. Thanks DS. Just enough of what?

That, my zen friend, is the million dollar question.

Now I feel like we're playing Jeopardy

Lao, I hate you right now. That song is stuck in my head....

He he he....poor DS...

ROFL - DS, it'll be there for awhile.

I find it interesting that neither one of us has any sympathy for DS...LOL

I sympathise - but it doesn't stop me laughing.

Nope, no sympathy here...and I'm still just laughing away!!