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My Own Stupidity

I've been with my husband for 22 years, married for 20.  Never--ever has he said "I love you" to me.  It's just not natural.  When I ask him if he loves me, he says you know I do.  Well guess what?  I don't.  Just say the words, I plead.  He shakes his head and walks away...........

My kids still tell me, thank god.  My parents used to say it all the time.  My father still does.  I didn't realize when I was young and stupid how much those three little words meant to me.

Now, I do. 

 Update 7/3/08

Today the only thing I can say about all this nonsense is "oh well, his loss".  It's a reasonable request, want, desire from your should have been wasn't........time to let it go and move forward..........


I've learned a lot since writing this oh-so-long-ago.  I've learned  what I love you sounds and feels like when there is no emotion behind it.  I've learned what it sounds and feels like when there is emotion behind it.  I've also learned that actions need to back up the words...and can even replace them at times.  I've learned how not to settle for husband and I are not together anymore, but remain friends.  I'm in a relationship with a man who loves me deeply and in the way I like to be loved...and he let's me love him back...remember, love and loving is not a  one size fits all emotion...

Do NOT ever settle...I don't care who you are...who you think you are....or who you think you're not....everyone deserves to be loved....


goddessone goddessone 41-45, F 197 Responses Feb 16, 2008

Your Response


NO, fearfulguy, he did not. Nor did he say it when either of my children were born. I experienced complications during the delivery of my second child and I'm not gonna say it was touch and go, but there were moments of extreme concern, he didn't say it then either.

Did he at least say it the day he proposed to you?

Almostthere, I'm glad to hear your mother finally found the strength to leave. It's sad that she had to go thru so much pain in the first place.<br />
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I'm not surprised your father reacted to her leaving as he did. His image of right and wrong, is skewed, to say the least.<br />
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I was surprised to see how young you are (I looked at your profile, yes)'re wise beyond your years.

FPt- sounds like your husband isn't upset at losing you, but at the fact that he's not going to have his comfort zone.<br />
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You know, like the thief who gets caught, he's not sorry for what he's done, but sorry he got caught.<br />
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Well good luck, my mother left my father after about 25 years of marriage, and funny thing was, my dad cheated on her, beat her constantly (she is now deaf in one ear because of him), verbally abused her, and so on. And THEN he had the nerve to tell her SHE was breaking up the family.<br />
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In case you were wondering, no, I dont speak to him anymore.

Almost...nope, my husband wouldn't listen. I think he expected the therapist to tell him that I was being ridiculous. We still see him from time to time as we go through this transition. He feels bad because he really likes us. LOL<br />
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My husband is quite upset over the whole deal. However, not upset enough to try. Then again, why would he? I kept saying "I'm done" in almost every session. It's a case of too little, too late. Ya know?<br />
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Thanks for reading everything through. I don't always have the patience to do so. Hopefully, you enjoyed the little intermission when my friends and I were playing. LOL

I read your whole story and the comments and I'm glad you got out- sure there are five languages of love and blah blah, but if a man doesn't say it or show it, then how can you believe "you know I do?"<br />
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My husband shows it and says it everyday- and I'd have it no other way, I too would leave if a man stopped showing me affection and so on.<br />
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I laughed at your comment about how the therapist washed his hands of your hubby lol- really?! That's crazy, why did he wash his hands? Would your hubby just not listen?<br />
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Last question, how does your hubby feel in all this? Did he at least look upset that it's over?

I don't really think saying it (or saying anything else) means something, the feeling is more important than the words ...

married for 20 years and living together, are u unable to know his actions which could have shown that he loves are not.If the words only says that loving you to please u and in reality if not what is ur dont try to explore that he still loves u r not -- u can get all that from ur kids & you love your family including your 20 your partner.

Rose, I noticed it before, but thought I could handle it. It's a non-issue now as we are going to be divorced.

i know how you feel. i find men have a tendency to not be as vocal as women are, and we find ourselves constantly asking them, what are you thinking, do you have an opinion... I myself have had to ask my boyfriend if he loves me at times. People are people, and they need reassurance sometimes. In your case someone who you've spent a life time with... but I cant help but wonder... why didnt u notice this blatant avoidance of the subject before?<br />
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I hope your situation changes for the best. At least you have family that loves you and aren't afraid to show you your worth. good luck :)

I'm not answering that line.....leaving it well alone (LOL)

You wouldn't have me any other way....<br />
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Well, I believe we have effectively thrown this story off course!<br />
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Good job, mate! ; )

Oh you are a cruel woman. I shall stroll off to do just this (LOL).

OMG...I know...LOL....he went to bed...that's why you need to pm him, this way when he logs onto ep in the morning, the song will be there waiting for him....LOL

I think he's off somewhere else. He was last observed working overtime in charming the pants off KinkyFlower (LOL).

You are pm'ing right now, aren't you? I mean really, what a lovely way to start his day....rofl

I wonder how long the tune will stay in his head? Then I can remind him again tomorrow - just casually hint at how funny it was and it'll all come flooding back (heh...heh...heh....)

Nope, no sympathy here...and I'm still just laughing away!!

I sympathise - but it doesn't stop me laughing.

I find it interesting that neither one of us has any sympathy for DS...LOL

ROFL - DS, it'll be there for awhile.

He he he....poor DS...

Lao, I hate you right now. That song is stuck in my head....

Now I feel like we're playing Jeopardy

That, my zen friend, is the million dollar question.

Ah yes - I thought you'd know. Thanks DS. Just enough of what?

nah, we're all "just enough."

You guys are too much...LOL

Extreme, Lao. 1990. <br />
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The lead singer became an interim singer for Van Halen after Extreme went belly up.

Ah HWP - always ringside seat for you - just watching and waiting (LOL).