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Losing My Nan/best Friend

My nan was my best friend. We had our special TV programs we would watch together, because I only lived two doors away I saw her every day of my life. Thursday nights were Rummy nights, I would go round to play with her and her friend and my grandad, she taught me how to play when I was young. She was such a joker, always laughing and smiling. She would always were leopard print or sequins, all sparkly and glittery things! She was beautiful too, well to me anyway. She was never very well though, she used to get waht we would call the "wobbles" where she would be unsteady on her feet, she had collapsed before I was born and hadn't been well since.

One day when we were messing about she stopped talking, she just lost her speech completely! She went to the doctors and they sent her for a brain scan - she had a tumor! It seemed so sudden! What angers me is they say she must have had it for over 15years - 15 effing years! Why had no one done a brain scan before to find out why she was unsteady on her feet? She was never well, she could have been saved!! Once they operated they said she was getting better, at least thats what I was told at the time..... she came home. I went to see her a couple of times, it was awful, she had most of her hair shaved off because of the op and she had to have someone holding her hand all the time, even when she went to the toilet because she was so scared she would die alone! I should have gone to see her more but I could't, I was only 12 or 13 and I couldn't watch her die, it was killing me inside!

One day a few weeks later I had the day off school because I had a dental appointment and a hairdressers appointment. I was in the bath. My mum called through the door saying she had to pop out for a second and that she'd be back really soon. I knew - I knew where she was going, to cancel the appointments, and I knew why, my nan had died! I just knew. My mum came back and I was sat on the sofa crying, I said nan has died - she hugged me and asked if my grandad had been to see me, I said I just knew. Life was NEVER the same for me after that. My nan was more like a mum to me. It was like I had lost my mum, best friend AND my nan. I could tell her anything, she was proud of each little thing I did, she bought me my first bra.....! I'll never ever stop missing her and thinking about her daily. When I married it made me so so so sad she couldn't be there, it broke my heart - because out of everyone there I KNOW no one would have been prouder than her. I threw my wedding bouquet into the river my nans ashes were scattered.

AWUK AWUK 26-30, F 2 Responses Aug 10, 2008

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I know. I still talk to her as though she's here sometimes. I miss her so very much though even though it's been a long time. When she died I thought I would forget her but if anything my memories of her have got stronger. If I grow to be half the woman she was I will be proud and I know that she will be too!

That last part is so sweet. I wish I could do something like that for my grandpa that died. He was and always will be my number one man. My mom even told me she credits how well I grew up to him.



I'm sorry you had to lose her. But you know she's not entirely gone ;)