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Painful..

 I haven't had that many painful experiences in my life. But I have had a couple of tramatic experiences. But the main ones would have to be watching my mother get beat to death in front of me and getting raped when I was eight years old. O yes people think I don't remember this at all. Like it was just erased from my memory. The only reason for that is because I don't like to talk about it. Why would you want to talk about seeing your mother get killed when all they really wanted was you? It's just I can't live with that all on me all the time hell I wouldn't be me if I lived with that all on my chest. Thinking that it was my fault that my mom was killed. I keep running away from my problems without fixing them. I can't keep doing that all of the time or I'm never going to be able to live a normal life. I've been without a mother for 13 years. To much but I've learned to deal with it. Yes I'll never be able to do anything with my mother but I like to think of her as still being here with me in my heart. I hate that both of these things had to happen to me at such a young age. But I don't let it bother me like most people I know. I live my life like I should. 

RageAgainst RageAgainst 18-21, F 5 Responses Nov 3, 2008

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What happened to your mother. Isn't your fault. You don't know what they were looking for at the time of the incident. You might figure it out later. No kid should have to see their mother die. My deepest sympathies to you.

Don't ever think that in no way shape of form could have been you fault my x husband broke my jaw and crushed my throat i was in a comma for 3 months my son was 10 at the time since then he feels it is his duty to protect me at all cost but never was it any of their faults (my kids) why we go through the things we do not real sure on that but even as bad as it was you can always take the positive out and discard the rest meaning it can put a perspective on life you and make you defender to the causes don't be a victim be a survivor be the voice for those who cant speak up for those who can't .......get involved with domestic violence shelters and rape crisis centers believe it or not it's good healing practice when us as survivors help others we are at an advantage we lived it from personal experience not just a textbook ...take care sweetie

You'll make it through hun. I've been tortured right next to some of my closest people. Sad thing is: not one of them is left anymore. It'll never heal, but it will dull( if that helps at all)

i find this really inspiring!<br />
you should be really proud of yourself.<br />
it has really made me think. i have a mother but our relationship is falling appart because i dont like been told what to do. this has made me realize that you only have one mother and you should cherish her.<br />
i really dont know what id do if i loose my mother.<br />
your so strong!<br />
keep your head held high<br />
god bless you x

It's not yr fault dear...nothing you could do.... it just happen...be strong