I've often been called a person with a huge heart. Many consider me a very happy person that laughs a lot and like to make other people feel better, even if I have to make a fool out of myself. These are some of the aspect my friends value and makes me proud of who I've become. I like myself... most of the time.

But sometimes being a person with a big heart makes people rely on, which has its' pros and cons. I feel very happy that my friends trust and depend on me... but sometimes it makes me so sad.

Too often I sit down, talk and comfort my friends when they have problems. Even worse is when I have to watch them crumble and then cry in public (and they often feel ashamed about it). Usually I take them away from whatever they are doing for just one or two minutes, talk to them, hug them and walk back with them. Boy or girl, it can be anything. Family, life changing events, their self-esteem or relationships not going as planned.

I've NOT been through a lot. I've have a very good life, my most traumatic memory was my parents divorce over six years ago. But that was enough for me to know how hard it was. I remember feeling lonliness in a mass of friends, emotional deattachment from my family, anger against "happier" people, digust from mindless action and most of all; a deep self-hatred for myself and my feelings.

I never want my friends to experience that.

But now the table have turned. One of my oldest friends (since primary school) walked up to me and said her parent were to seperate. My blood ran cold, as I've always been somewhat jealous of her "whole" family (not to the point that we could not stay friends).

I really just want her to be happy, and now all that I suffered from comes after her. It's almost like a mirror, only that your past self and most dark side is reflected back at you. I don't want her to be sad because she is much more nice when she smiles.

However I don't remember her ever helping me when I was sad. I want to help her with whole my heart, but I am scared I may say something without thinking. Something that just make thing worse for her.

I want to help her... But I don't know if I should.
For now I think I will at least try to...
PleaseFindMe PleaseFindMe
18-21, F
Aug 20, 2014