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How Do You Know You Are Being Verbally Abused; Stories And Examples


How to Prove Verbal Abuse

My husband called me retarded in front of my three toddlers yesterday because I walked into the bedroom to get something while he was trying to sleep. He then told me to shut the hell up when I asked him not to speak to me that way in front of the children. The worst part of this is that if I wanted to prove that I was being treated this way constantly, I'd only have my word...I'm slowly eroding away.....


10 Years Of Verbal and Physical Abuse

My 13 year wedding anniversary is in 2 days and I realize I have been verbally abused for the last 10 years. He was very charming until I got pregnant with our 10 yr old daughter. He started calling me names and threatening me. He quit coming home or ever helping with anything. He would push, choke, and bite me because I didn't know when to shut up. We went on to have twin girls 3 years after my daughter was born. Now that it has been 10 years, I realize that I don't love him anymore. He is the meanest man I've ever met. He tries to not call me names or hurt me but he is always criticizing me. I quit antagonizing him though. I know not to mess with him or it will get ugly. He lives his own life and refuses to help me with our business or anything else. He says I can't be satisfied and that I can't control him. I just want him to be a normal, nice man who pulls his weight. But everything I say is wrong. I am so depressed. I think I am ready to leave.


How I Left My Abusive Husband

I married a very verbally abusive man. For the first year, he charmed me. Then the verbal abuse began. You hope that it can change and you buy into their half-hearted apologies. "Their anger overcomes them." So I took my life in my hands and changed things. At 48 I entered a trade school and created an Internet business to keep my mind focused. It saved me mentally! My therapist (best advice ever) told me to leave only when I was CALM...otherwise I would return and be roped in again. I set my goals and finally walked out the door very CALMLY (I meant business) while he looked on crying uncontrollably. I divorced him and live happy and in charge of my life. The problem was...I did not have healthy boundaries. I do now...and know the actions I will take if ever I encounter them again. I am 100% accountable for my own happiness. Best of luck to all of you! You think it is "love" or "he says he loves you" is NOT and he can't love you because he does not love himself!

—Guest Janet

If He Loves You, He Doesn't Abuse You

In the beginning I met a great guy, charming, smooth talking, talked himself up to everyone. He was s dream. Once we became official, my clothes weren't right, my hair was too messy, I was a c*nt. I embarrassed him etc. I was told to have sex twice daily or he would leave me, my self esteem dropped drastically. I went from successful to lazy and always wanting to sleep. I did everything for him in order to make him happy. His drinking became horrible, his fists hit the walls during a fight. I was never GOOD enough but he "loved me" and everything was for "my own good". Crying everyday, depressed, feeling "crazy" I fell asleep at his mothers house after a 9 hr work day and didn't help him w/ the yard work...I was hit and than forced out of his car on the highway. That was it for me, I know I'm not crazy, and I know that is NOT what I deserve. He was a manipulator, he used me in order to "UP" himself and he has 100% psychopathic tendencies. I saw them in the beginning, and now, i acted. :)

—Guest kate17

Abused But Not a Victim!

I was in an abusive marriage. I knew from the beginning that something was wrong, but stayed for seven years and had 2 children. I love my kids and will always cherish them as the best and most precious gifts that I took out of my abusive marriage. After 7 years of verbal, emotional and mental abuse, I decided enough was enough. I got a restraining order one night after being slammed against my garage door (NEVER AGAIN) without provocation. I watched from my car as the police took my husband out of my house, while my children slept upstairs. It was one of the most difficult, painful days of my life. The divorce was even worse. PURE HELL. But now...that's over. I still deal with this man from time to time, but today, my life and home are filled with peace, love, calm, laughter, grace, and a lack of fear, abuse, yelling, hurting, anger. Today my life is my own and I'm SO GRATEFUL I had the courage and strength to end it. End your abusive relationship today! You can do it!

—Guest lesismore

Once an Abuser, Always an Abuser

I am in the middle of getting out of a now physically, as well as verbally abusive relationship. It’s always my fault because I spoke too loud, or when I was insulted and had my stuff broken, it was my fault because I shouted at him, and now the (non-existent) neighbors can hear. It has happened so often, I’m used to wearing long tops that cover my bruised arms and wrists, and feel like the most hideous, useless person in the world. He is blaming me and apparently I am going to be a lonely "*****" for the rest of my life. It has taken me being choked and being knocked out to realize that I deserve better, and that he does not mean it when he says “sorry”, and that he WILL do it again.

—Guest aranga

Always Leave an Abusive Husband!

He calls me terrible names just whenever he feels like it, I can't talk to him about anything important or I am whatever he says I am. He's very controlling and doesn't want me to spend time with my children or grandchildren. He has shoved me a few times always threatening to hurt my family. He says things like I'm not going to penitentiary for you and your kids. My children are all adults I am not allowed to leave the house without first telling him. I have to call him at work if I go to the store 4 minutes away and call when I get back; He constantly accuses me of messing with men I don't know. If I talk about an issue with my job it's an argument. I am so stressed and depressed, I have lost weight in three months. When not working I sit in my bedroom or lay down all day. If I get a phone call he is always in on the conversation with my mom, sisters, children whoever calls. It's like he is always watching me but yesterday I found the courage to leave I can't take it anymore did I do the right thing?

—Guest Char

It Isn't Love, It is Abuse

I love my boyfriend with all my heart, soul, spirit, mind and life. It's like I'm standing in a field of beautiful wild flowers and I see these dark gray menacing rain clouds darting at me really fast and!!! I can't escape fast enough and he has me cornered. I try to leave but it's so difficult for me to get away from him. I am a prisoner of his and he has me where he wants me! I start to hear all these degrading, hateful, harsh, belittling, berating, snide, disrespectful and negative words from his mouth. I can't get him to stop so he and I can talk and come to an agreement where if he can't say anything nice to me don't say anything to me at all? I wish he would not been so harsh towards me but he is. I still love him and he still loves me too but. I don't love his bright and vibrant language towards me.


Abusive Husband Gets One More Chance

My husband snaps all the time, the littlest things sets him off and I feel like I'm walking on eggshells. He tells me I'm too sensitive and that I over-react. He yells at me if our 11 month old falls and hurts herself - he makes me feel like I'm not looking after her properly. If I talk to him and tell him he has upset me then I get the 'silent treatment' . He hates where we live (overseas) and hates his job, he is constantly making negative comments. I'm so tired of the negativity, it's wearing me down, I just want to be happy. I don't want him to snap at me over every little thing. I feel like I can't be myself. I love him but I don't think he can change. I told him yesterday that I will give him one more chance... god I hope he can change.

—Guest CC

When do You Leaven An Abusive Boyfriend?

I've been in a relationship going on 6 years. Although there's been physical abuse the emotional abuse is what's killing me. My boyfriend is constantly telling me how stupid I am for not graduating college, calling me names (everything from A-Z), etc. He handles the money and then gets mad at me when I tell him I feel like a child getting allowance when I need to go to the store and buy groceries. I'm the only one working but yet the money is always his and in his wallet. I am so lost and confused because I do love him but don't know whether to leave because he WAS there for me during a rough time. I'm always depressed an emotionally drained and he blames it on me constantly. What to do? Note From the Guide, Cathy Meyer...The solution to your problem is simple in theory. You need to collect your self-esteem and your bags and leave him. I know that is easier said than done but staying is your choice. When you get enough of his abuse, you will make the choice to leave. I hope that happens sooner than later.

—Guest Ready2go

Recovery From a Mentally Abusive Marriag

I never thought I was in a relationship where I was being mentally abused, until a got out. My relationship during courtship was fine, or so I thought, although in looking back now, he displayed abusive traits even then, but i didn’t get it. As soon as we married, he totally changed. He was extremely controlling and very critical of everything. Always very negative about everybody and everything. He always felt he knew the answers to everybody’s problem. Never would a discussion be resolved, but rather "forgotten". If I felt the need to discuss the issue, I was always too sensitive. He would take every opportunity when angry to make sure he would be as offensive as possible. I got tired after the first 4 years of marriage and began to defend myself. I finally left him, to his surprise after 8 years. I am recovering now.


Controlled by Verbally Abusive Husband

My husband gets angry and shouts, it scares me. I cannot bring a friend home because he always has a problem with it, hence I have no friends, I am in a strange place far away from home and I have no one that I can talk to. I just want to keep my sanity, but sometimes I want to leave. I feel as if he does not respect me, and I have to depend on him for everything although I have a good job. He controls all the money.

—Guest help me

My Daughter Married a Bully?

I suspected my son in law to be a bully and when I confronted him, he barred me instantly from seeing my granddaughters. I have been given the silent treatment, something that has gone on now for 16 months. He is a real charmer in front of people. He has pushed me, or rather frogmarched me down my street. He shoves his face in mine and calls me "insane". I was made to feel that I had done something dreadful to warrant this. I had simply called him a bully. He lies his way in and out of everything. I miss my lovely daughter and super little granddaughters, aged 10 and 8 years. I had to move away from him, but only 5 kms away. It breaks my heart. I found the "silent treatment" to be damaging in itself, refusal to discuss anything, just ignoring my very existence, this after 11 years of their marriage. I wonder if he is a bully, narcissistic, sociopath or just downright nasty. I just long to see my immediate family, this has been going on for too long. He revels in this sad situation


Verbally and Physically Abusive Husband

I was abused sexually mentally and emotionally as a child by both parents. I was constantly used by boyfriends who lied to me then left me. I moved out at 18 and had my first serious relationship with an alcoholic. I moved across country with him. I had a fling with a liar, he had a kid and chick he admitted abusing. I left him and went into a whirlwind relationship with a man I thought to be 7 years my senior but was actually 35 and I was 20. I got pregnant immediately and during the 4.5 years we've been together he's verbally/physically abused me in front of our son and even sent him away to his grandma on his side for 9months!! He blamed money and me for why my son couldn't come home. I left him 3 times and he left 1 time. Two out of the 3 times he immediately started screwing other women including impregnating 1 of them. fast forward my sons been back home 6 months the psycho threats at moments of his upset i want to be strong and leave for good I’m 24.

—Guest sevensmom

My Husband Always Criticizes

My husband thinks his beliefs and thoughts are the truth and my beliefs are fantasy. He thinks I am to blame for all our marital problems. He rarely shows his emotions or affections because he says he is not the kind of guy who does, and never considers changing. He pouts and gives me the silent treatment after arguments. His comments are almost always negative. He criticizes me for not being happy and doing what I want to do saying that it is my new addiction. He threatened to get divorced if I pursue my dream and tells me that I would not be good at it or enjoy it. He told me that he is the better parent and he would be concerned if I take the kids. He decided not to get divorced because if we do he would not be able to keep our property. I am considering getting divorced after our last argument, but I am not sure if that's the best thing for the kids. 

Kindal Kindal 46-50, F 5 Responses Sep 14, 2010

Your Response


I had to make the decision too. My parents helped in the aftermath. I kept the abuse silent until I had the courage to leave. In many cases, I believe the parents help pick up the pieces.

I am conducting research to explore the help provided by parents when faced with their adult child's experience with domestic violence.

If you are interested, please encourage your parents to take a 20 minute survey at

In the hands of my abuser is devastating to me, I have been physically and sexually abused for over fifteen years. there has been days when he would drastically put a gun to my head and pulled the trigger, held a knife to my throat, choked me, bit me, slapped me, pulled my hair, and one night I was sleep he told me I was snoring so he decided to put a pillow over my head held it there until I woke up fighting scared and crying when i pushed the pillow off my head he told me he was laughing so hard he couldn't hold it in after that night I wanted to sleep in the front room but he wouldn't let me... and he also told me one day we were drunk how he wanted to know how it felt to stab me so he had already had the knife in his hand I was afraid not knowing if he was going to actually do it but he stabbed me in the leg pulled the knife out acted like he panicked and wiped off the knife I was in shock for some reason I didn't call the cops so I undressed myself and raped my leg up and all he kept doing was begging me to please don't call the cops and he was apologizing over and over I called the cops and he left but I didn't leave him I was to afraid of leaving him. and now he is physically and sexually abusing me threatening me and on top of all of this he is giving me the silent treatment. and of course there is more to this abuse and its so bad that i'm actually afraid of him and that I honestly know that he is capable of seriously hurting me or killing me I have tried everything to break up with my abuser but he won't let me and just the other day I told my mother that I was leaving Boston to get away from my abuser and she said you ant never gonna get away from Doug... i'm so confused apart of me want to take his threats seriously and the other part of me don't take him seriously because we have been together for twenty years and being together this long could he be willing to seriously harm me or kill me when i'm trying to end this abusive relationship? please what should I do and how should I deal with this relationship because I love him to death he was my first in everything but I don't want the abuse.<br />
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for everyone who has read this thank you and thank you for your comments, concerns, and idea's on how to deal with this abusive relationship take care and God Bless

Thank you very much, Kindal...I much appreciate this...I also just wrote I Have Reached and Important Realization ....if you feel like commenting on that, because I found your words to be wise and calming.Plus I am in the process of getting help...:)<br />
Have a nice day...<br />
Peace be with you, too...<br />

He is resentful that you were there and he had to deal with all that. It's not your fault. He is acting like a child. You need to determine for yourself if it's okay for you to be talked to like that or treated in that manner. If not then seek professional help, someone to talk to about what is going on and how he is treating you and find out if this relationship will be ok for you in the long run. You have the answer deep inside. Only you can make that decision to stay or go. We all loved our abuser. Sometimes verbal abuse is much worse then physical...........physical it's over with quickly.........the physical scars heal.... verbal stays inside your heart eating away at your self esteem. I hope you find the answers within yourself. Prayers of peace I am sending your way and healing for your wounded heart.

You are an angel, you have such a beautiful heart. thank you for reading what i'm going through and yes your right talking to a professional can help and at times its hard to sit there and talk to a stranger and explain what is going on or has happened during the abuse but I'm trying and so far its helping. and I don't have a choice wether I stay or go he is threatening to seriously hurt me or kill me, and that he's ready to except my mom for hating him. and the scary part is that he knows how he wants to kill me because he told me so and this is frightening me to death. but on top of all of this i'm working on moving out of state with the kids and pray to God that he don't follow me.

thank you for your comment, and concern, please take care and God Bless

Wow...I can relate to many of the things written on this site.<br />
I trust my husband with my children alone and appreciate that he fully helps me in the house. But whenever I go to visit my family in America (we do not reside in the US) he is always so angry and resentful when I he called my names in front of the kids and cursed at me when I was talking to my mother on the phone, saying later that he "doesn't like my behavior" and that visiting my family was "a waste of money and unnecessary."<br />
He was with my toddler while I took my two older kids to see their grandma and my toddler was sick for 2 weeks, and so he was home with her...I obviously was worried and we called every day, but I knew he was taking good care of her.<br />
Now he's accusing me of abandonning her for 2 weeks and for being "egotistical" by not coming back early.<br />
This is crazy...what should I do?<br />
How can I stop this?<br />
Why do I still love this man?<br />

I just want to say is that i'm sorry for what you are going through and what he is doing is wrong, and don't let him try and tell you that you are a bad mother because I feel in my heart that you are an awesome mom :) just try and stay strong and if you can get out of the relationship you can do better. and when ever you leave his child with him u have to fill guilty thats your child's father and he have to have some responsibilities to. and one more thing we can't help who we fall in love with and believe me I ask myself that same question.

but thank you for sharing what u went through and i'll pray for you, please do me a favor stay safe, and be careful, and God Bless