I Feel So Lost And Alone

I dont know what to do. I have no friends to turn to. I am embarrased to tell anyone. I am in a 2 year relationship and its getting worse and worse by the days. I dont know what all to say, there is so much. I was maried to a man for 10 years who abused me physically, emotionally and sexually. I stayed with him because I was to scared to leave. I have a deep love for animals and I had a dog who was my life. He was all I had besides the man who abused me. In the end I finally got the strength to leave him and I my dog paid the ultimate price. His life. I left and never went back after 10 years and now I am in a relationship with someone who knows my past and he always throws it up to me. Always saying I must have done something to deserve what my husband did to me. My husband beat me to within an inch of my life. I have scars on my face, migraines for life and emotionally I dont know if I ever will recover myself.

I am not perfect by no means but he knows what I have been through physically and emotionally and for the past year it went from verbal abuse. From being called a bi***, who**, worthless and so so many more. Now he grabs me when he gets angry. He pulls me by my arms. I now have a huge black bruise on my arm from a couple days ago. I dont have any self worth and I honestly have days I dont want to live. He says I have mental issues and if I didnt make him so angry he wouldnt do those things to me.

I am not a healthy person at all. I have cronic migraines and I get sick very easily. He gets so angry at me saying Im always sick and im just making it up because I dont want to have sex. Then he gets angry and more angry. I try to retreat to a spare bedroom but he follows me there ripping the covers off me, grabbing me, yelling at me and at least once a month he tells me to get out. I have no one, I have no where to go and he always says its all my fault why he does what he does to me.

I dont know what to do. I am so lonely, so scared and I have no family or friends. I work very hard at my job which I recently moved to 8 months ago. It is very laboring and I am 44. It is involving working with animals but the labor is over whelming. I am always so tired and he gets mad at me saying your always tired because you dont want to have sex. I am so tired. I want to just crawl in a hole.

sadone12 sadone12
3 Responses Nov 28, 2012

I had to make the decision too. My parents helped in the aftermath. I kept the abuse silent until I had the courage to leave. In many cases, I believe the parents help pick up the pieces.

I am conducting research to explore the help provided by parents when faced with their adult child's experience with domestic violence.

If you are interested, please encourage your parents to take a 20 minute survey at http://www.takesurveynow.2truth.com

Hey. I'm so sad for your situation . I feel the pain and turmoil ur going through . Iv recently had the almighty courage to say enough is enough after yet another abusive relationship. This last one lasted 3 years and after being head butted so badly knocking me out for hours I fled my home and went into refuge .that was 3 months ago today I'm still in a refuge and after the immense anxiety of leaving and worrying about being on my own .I can finally say I'm finding magain the real me .I hope you find this .
You are worth more than that

Damn... I don't even know where to begin...I'm a lot like you. I suffer from chronic migraines and constant viral infections. NO, you do NOT have mental issues!!! Odds are that your immune system is low because of consistent trauma. And that's his fault, not yours. Second of all, you don't need friends to survive. That might sound harsh, but it's just because I've been there. You need to acquire friends that are truthful, empathetic, and SUPPORTIVE. If you have to kick a few friends to the curb, then so be it....but it's time that you learn how to be your own best friend. Also, HE HAS NO RIGHT to determine when or if you have sex. I remember feeling like it was my "duty" to provide him with what he needed. NO! It's not.