Plotting A Murder-suicide And Setting Their Dog Free To Roam With Coyotes

I think my neighbors (the nabes: skippy and bippy) are zombies. I saw one zombie movie once on a very bad date, and I think these big-bobbleheaded folks next door may well have the big bobble headed appearances from masks covering their zombie features.

The only reason I even notice these sub-90 IQ folks even exist is because they can't figure out how to leave their home without slamming the door. Un-do the lock, lock it from the outside, pretend to notice that other people exist, pretend to notice that other people don't want to know every flipping time you enter and depart your pathetic sty next door.

I'm not even sure why they bother closing the doors--they leave one window wide open all day for a ridiculous cat to come and go. And, when they're home, they leave the backdoor wide open so the long-suffering dog can tramp in and out all day long. Certainly as many bugs and squirrels and rats and criminals that are going to come into their "home" can do so through any of these means, so why bother closing the door at all? One load of groceries at a time though, slam out the door, pick up the bag, slam in the door, and repeat.

They leave their dog in the backyard in all weather for 12-14 hours a day and then come home and yell at it when it wants attention. They feed it crappy food and ignore it except to yell at it or to make it "sit" or "fetch" for 3 whole minutes of interaction the day before the "trainer" stops by. The trainer is a moron with one of those really loud female gym teacher laughs: yuk yuk yuk. There is nothing wrong with this dog, it is fine when these people aren't home annoying the **** out of it with their yelling and wildly unbalanced energy.

Yes, I said that: unbalanced energy. I think they are on something. For a long time, I suspected they had a meth lab or some other drug production scene going on next door because they live in such filth and are ridiculously cheery --like people who are on drugs or who are so blinded by some religion that they just bubble like morons, oblivious to the entire world around them. Then, a police officer actually knocked on my door (I hate cops, I don't do anything illegal, I just despise people who have decided to do this with their lives) and asked me about Bippy. Bippy had applied for a job on the force. What kind of drug producer applies for a job as a cop? So, that ruled out the likelihood they were on drugs, though they are morons, so maybe they didn't see that as a problem.

I didn't say anything to prevent her getting this job as a cop because of 3 things: One, I would rather she stayed employed so I don't have to see her stupid bobble head around here all day and catch whiff of their over-scented home and hear her ridiculous cartoony voice. And, two, I would rather she be a cop than something safe. I figure, she has a better chance of being shot as a cop. Three, she's slow and fat and stupid. Each of these is criteria I think that rank high on the list of requirements to be a police officer, so she really was a slam dunk for the job. And, she did get the job, but it's a desk job. She's not out there getting shot, she's pretending to work in some damned cubicle 3, sometimes 4, days a week.

Skippy has some job with a relative as far as I can tell. He's completely worthless around the house and likes to go topless when the temp is still about 65 degrees. Some guys should go topless, I applaud when guys who have worked on their bodies and their tans show it off. Skippy hasn't worked out in over a decade and probably eats the same liquid diet Bippy does as his chest is also filling out. Ick.

Long story short (too late) I hate these people. Their dog would be better off out in the wild, and the world wouldn't notice if they both disappeared. Now, if I had a job that paid anything at all (i.e., if I weren't a teacher), I'd hire this done and get on with my life. But, I am a teacher, which means all I have going for me is some smarts and lots of creativity and this fine, fine internet connection. I'm thinking I could put these things together and contrive a murder-suicide scenario that those clever cops wouldn't investigate much further than the nearest donut.

I'm writing this here as a preventative. If I didn't tell several people of my dream to get rid of these people, I'd probably do it. But, now you know, it's trackable, and duh, I'm the neighbor. They'd probably interview me first and I'd have trouble hiding my glee.
Perfectsolitarysilence Perfectsolitarysilence
41-45, F
Jan 12, 2013