I Dont Want To Kill Myself...i Just Want A Dude To Like Me Tooi know i usually just write stories about how much i hate myself on this website. not much about my background or anything, just how i just hate myself. i do give a little insight on who i am with the many groups i add in to my profile, but thats about it. My life hasnt been so perfect either by the way and its nothing i should really get into cuz i dont really give a **** about telling about what ive been going thru with life. all whats bothering me is me hating myself and i pray that at some point i stop before i kill myself.
I Dont Want Too
the thing is, i really dont want to kill myself. to me its a coward way out and i refuse to die that way. im not good with pain and i cant trust myself to kill me because theres a chance somewhere i may survive and be disfigured or crippled and thats just going to make the problem worse. so ive thought about killing myself by just maybe throwing myself into bad situations but I'm still too scared. i dont know what its like on the other side and that kind of makes me have second thoughts too. see, theres so many excuses i have with doing it which means i really dont want to commit suicide, but i still wish i was dead.
when i look at myself in the mirror, i hate what i see. i think i am extremely ugly. too ugly to live. i wish i was beautiful and pretty and im not. the things i love to do and dream of doing for a living are very hard on appearance. you cant just have the talents to be in the entertainment industry you have to have the looks too. well you have to have either or. if you got something that they can market and sale then you're in. i dont think my skills are good enough to get noticed so the next thing is to have good looks. but i definitely dont have that. so am i ever going to get noticed? whose going to want to hear me sing or read my poetry or watch my sc
And Another Thing
Everytime i see nicki minaj, every time i hear nicki minaj, everytime im reminded of nicki minaj, i automatically think about killing myself. i start to wonder why is my ugly *** still alive? i shouldve been dead a long time ago. i think nicki minaj is so pretty and when i have to look at myself after looking at her i just wanna die. i will never be that beautiful and gorgeous and sexy. she in particular i wish i looked like. it seems to me like every guy loves her and wants to **** her and stuff but nobody wants to **** me cuz im too ******* ugly. ive tried diets, exercises, and what ever else to make me at least look like her body wise. ive even tried to look like her facially but that didnt work out too much, just made me look even uglier. if guys like small waists, big round butts, pretty curves, and pretty everything else then thats what i want to look like. but nothing works and the end results just have me looking worser. i dont really care if it affects my health too bad because i know ill get something good out of it. why couldnt i just be born pretty and attractive? i hate myself so much, im not good for nothing. i'll stay a virgin forever. even if i was a ******** i would be broke as hell cuz nobody would give me the time of day. and then ill get fired. i need to hurry up and just die. for some reason, for me looks do matter in this world....