Im Lost...

Ever since I was... five, i think, suicide has been appealing, and I have attempted it several times. The number of times Ive tried... I cant keep count. Recently, however, I met someone who... has done the same things as I have done, and seems to understand me. She and I... have become close. We both made a promise to not commit suicide, or attempt it. However, I... broke that promise. I was... blinded with fear. I couldnt stand it. I was ready to drop when I thought about how she would feel... and I stopped. She has been an anchor for me. I have been able to... avoid thinking about killing myself. Something she said to me... she told me that if I were to kill myself, she would follow me. I cant bear to think that, in a sense, I would be killing her as well. But letting go of my... suicidal side... its something that has become part of me. Self-harm as well. I cant just... stop feeling these things, can I?
hahahalo13 hahahalo13
4 Responses Jan 13, 2013

It's good that you have found someone to communicate sucks when you are living it alone...

Looks like I am following three people that really care and have all given you wise words from their heart. I can offer no better than they have. Just know that people you have never met care about you, and would like both you and your friend to live long happy lives.

Your very very young. And death is final. i know that sometimes we may feel that we can't go on. We are hurt, upset, scared, confused, our hearts ache. But you see, if you can hang on a day, give your self a day, and then another day,. it will be brighter. Things somehow are better.

I would love for you to talk to some one about your desire to die. Because I think that you really want to live, and that is why your sharing this. I would like for you to be around a very long time. but that fate is in your hands. And you deserve a long and loving life. But for that to happen requires you. It requires you helping yourself.

I don't know why you have this hanging over your head. I don't know why your burdened with this. But somehow, you need to talk to someone, and share what is going on with you. You can talk to your parents, a school counselor, a favorite teacher, a relative, your pastor or minister, anyone you feel a closeness to, that you think would understand you. You, your life, what is happening to you, matters. it matters to a lot. And you matter a lot to the people i just mentioned. your not as alone as you may think. But, help with this, will require you reaching out to someone. People can not read your mind. You need to share what is inside your head and heart.

I wish you the courage and ability to do that.
((((((hugs)))))...lots of them.

You and your friend have a great thing that can only help the both of you !! that is rare in itself and an awesome thing to have !!! My two best friends committed suicide and my wife thought I would do the same but because they did I have told myself I can't, trust sometimes I feel that way with whats recently happened in my life but I can't because I know the hurt and all the rest of the feelings that they have left behind. Good luck to the both of you. Take care of one and other.