My Life.Ever since I was 5 years old, I've been made fun of constantly. I started to hate school when I turned 7. I started to not like myself at age 8, and truly hate myself at age 11. The beginning of my story would have to be just before I turned 12. It was the summer after sixth grade. It was a bad year, I didn't have many friends. But that summer is where it all started; my friends left me, ignored me. I started to become sad more and more often. I cried all the time, my family was worried. I turned 12 and seventh grade started. I started seeing my therapist who I still see to this day in September 2009. Very shortly after that, I started to cut. It instantly became out of hand. Every single night, I turned to the blade, it was routine. I have a nervous breakdown at school, they saw the cuts and called my parents. It was discussed with my therapist and I was referred to a psychiatrist. I was put on an anti depressant. They medication didn't do any good. I tried to kill myself, for the first time. My friend talked me out of it, but my parents found out. I had a talk with my therapist and got sent to an overnight psychiatric ward for a week. There I was diagnosed with depression. I couldn't believe it, I was 12 and in a mental hospital. Needless to say, I was terrified. I soon grew to love the place, and the people there. It was difficult to leave. I did good for a very long time, almost a year of very little slip ups here and there. Eighth grade was horrible. There was an incident that I wish to never talk about again, which resulted in me going to a program for two and a half weeks. I'm now in 10th grade, 15 years old, and doing even worse than I was at 12 years old. I've attempted suicide again, but was not found out by my parents. The cutting is getting worse, I have some bad scars. I don't know what to even do with myself anymore. I'm frequently having panic attacks and feeling the need to kill myself. I don't trust anyone, I feel unimportant, I know the world would be a better place without me. I'll be extremely surprised if anyone took the time to read this. If you do, thank you so much. I'm just growing more and more tired each day, and am at the edge... I feel crazy.
bleedingstars 13-15, F 5 Responses 0 Jan 19, 2013