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I Want to Kill


  First of all let me introduce myself.My name is Andrew.I'm 16,second year in high school. Love... for me it's the most important thing in life. I've fell in love before, have been rejected , felt depressed about it, but I'm here, alive and kicking. Recently i've fallen for this girl. Here's the story   A couple of months ago , a friend told me she liked me. But back then i liked another girl a lot, so i ignored her. Recently i started liking, and then loving this girl. Friends say that they've talked to her and she still likes me. Yesterday, i overheard from a friend that she got a boyfriend. I started feeling very depressed. Even got to the point of standing on the bridge fence deciding if i should kill myself. I decided to call my best friend. He told me that she does not have a boyfriend and that he'll talk to her. So i didn't jump. Afterwards i came home. I don't know how i fell asleep. I dreamt about her. This morning, when i got up i felt REALY bad... I just can't shake the feeling that she's interested in another guy. Everytime i take a breath,i feel this extreme pain in my chest... like i have a knife stabbed through my heart (sometimes i wish i did). I've read blogs on how to kill yourself,and i am seriously thinking about it. I just don't want to cause pain to my family and friends, and mostly to her. I don't want she to feel guilty if i do it,and attemt something stupid as well. The saddest thing is that i had a chance and i BLEW IT.I've felt down about love before,but never... NEVER like this. I'll never find happiness, never find love.... What's the point of life if u can't find love... A life without love is like a.... Just can't find the words to describe...   Everyone, please tell me what to do, cause i might end up doing something stupid.
Andrew1616 Andrew1616 16-17, M 42 Responses Sep 20, 2009

Your Response


let me tell you something love is not the most important thing in life its hardly important

Andrew, take ahold of yourself, first of all you are 17, and pubety is at work, you are not ready for real love, you have to grow up, mature, give yourself time, girls are also growing, they don't know what they want yet, give them time to mature and settle down, finish education, get a job, and then you can handle that part of life, put it on hold. and enjoy just being friends, and love life,


Sigh all the previous comments are useless. All they do is suck up and spew platitudes. The truth is that love is not useful. It may feel important to you but trust me on this. I have never felt nor will ever feel emotions such as this. I consider it a gify and a curse. I can never be helpless nor lonely or sad.
However do not think I don't understand pain. You think it hurts to feel something. Imagine living years with nothing but a gaping void where a soul should be. No emotion no regret no guilt no happiness nor sadness. Only emptiness. I envey you. Sheep such as yourself have something a person like myself can never have and yet you wish to throw away your soul. Pitiful. You deserve only what you think you do. You are truly a pitiful human being.

Your friendly neighbourhood psychopath

I understand how much it must hurt to be in love with someone who loves someone else, but it's a stupid thing to take you own life over. Worse things will happen to you, but you need to live through them. If sad, awful things never happened, then what would be the point of happy things?

Buddy, you're 16! You've yet to experience real pain, real heartache, real elation and real ecstasy - that's life for you. You've got your whole life ahead of you to try a lot of wonderful and forgettable stuff. This schoolyard crush will pass and you'll think to yourself 'What was I thinking?' Hang in there. Things will get better - don't fall into the trap of thinking things are bad. If you believe that this experience was bad, imagine being an ADULT, haha!

Stay strong, hombre :-D

You are pretty young. I understand how you feel. I am forty and no one has ever loved me back. I can tell you one thing. You will fall many times. And you will get hurt. But tomorrow, you will get back up and go forward. And you will find love. Hope. Hope. Hope. Go to college, even if its just for a year. You will see that there is a big world and that love is everywhere. It's everywhere. And when you find it, cherish it. And always believe that and know that someone understands.

Relax there is still plenty of time yet for you. Your alive she is alive and might just be waiting for your call/wink smile or whatever. You never know. Courtship is hard at your age because the rules and thought about what is proper are so screwy.

Should you ask her out? who can say how she will react...
Should you have your friend ask her out for you? who can say how she will react...
Should you get a girl you both know to ask her for you? who can say how she will react...

Should you kill yourself? absolutely not then you will never get to find out if she will go out with you!

All of this stuff at your age is just part of growing up. Just live it the best you can. Whatever you decide as far as asking her out, no matter how it turns out. It will be a learning experience!

Nothing is worth taking your own life over. At 16 I felt a lot like you do. Love is something that shouldn't be rushed. You should be discovering who you are at this point in your life. Try different things, hang out in different places, and when you find out who you are and what you like, someone will be there who enjoys the same things. That is when true love happens. Live a life with no regrets!!! Good Luck!!!

Andrew 1616 , are you out there , do you exist ? Couldn't view your profile so i'm working blind here......
You are what I fear my young sons will become ( I don't mean this as an offensive comment ) . If only I could write a letter to my 13 year old self to say that what you think is the most painful thing in the world, while you are in you teens, will not compare to what you will deal with many years later. This is not meant to put you off what lies ahead. Life is hard , but not living it means you miss out on the best parts, along with the challenging parts. "Better to have lost in love than never to have loved at all "! Yes , an old Eurythmics fan !
I am also very upset about the thought of someone who wishes to shorten their one chance at life , having held the hand of people i love while they are dying , when they would have given anything to have more life.. Don't give up so easily , it does get better....xxxxxxxxx

If she DOES have a boyfriend then you can always be friends! And not all couples in high school stay couples. So if she does have a boyfriend, then there IS a chance theyll break up. Theres your chance! And ALWAYS remember:if you cant have her then be happy that she will find love. If that makes you happy, then that means that you really like her. Just keep that in mind if you ever want to kill yourself again! Hope ya feel better!

i think it's sweet you're a hopeless romantic, but a girl is no reason to kill yourself.

i know how you feel. im in love with someone. they are the first thing i think about in the morning and the last thing i thing about at night. i would do anything for them. and one day i found out that they love someone else. they have always been my closest friend, but i know that we would never be together. it took me a while to ge use to it. and to this day it still does. but know that we would always be best friends. and andrew, you don't know yet if she is even seeing someone. you still might have a chance. please. don't end your life. you have so many things to look forward to in life.

I'm surprised no one encouraged him to wait for the girl to breakup with the other guy, if there is one. If she liked him before, there is a high chance she's going to like him again. Don't need to commit suicide, just wait and try to be a good friend with the girl. Of course, this story was 3 years old...

Hey Andrew, im 16, so obvisouly around your age, also a Girl. Seriously, you shouldnt feel the need to want to kill yourself. Iv been there before. Maybe not the exact same situation as you, but i had a boyfriend for just over a year and he started to act different and then wanted to leave me. I became soso close to killing myself. But then you stop and think, you stop and think about the ones that DO love you and would hate for you to go. I realised its not worth going over one person when theres pleanty out there who already carr and love for me. And theres always more girls out there, the right one that will love and treat you so good will come along when the times right..

Wow Andrew... u deserve an applause..... You are willing to commit suicide or die for a girl who u never spent a day of your life with.... while you are not willing to live for your parents who take care of you.<br />
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BTW why do u love this girl? do u know her enough to want to kill yourself for her? last but not teh least.... is she really worth dying for?<br />
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get a hold of yourself and be a man!!!! stop self pitying yourself and live this beautiful life that God has given u in the form of a human being..... if u dont get the girl ..... go get someone else.... its not the end of life!<br />
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In fact from the relationship trend that i am seeing..... u just seem to be falling for the wrong person but every relationship has soemthing enriching to learn about so enjoy while it lasts!!!! <br />
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A word of advice.... if u still wish to die for this girl... pl go right ahead however just keep in mind that whatever you do.... u must end up dying coz it will be worse if u end up partially alive or paralysed or as a vegetable.... <br />
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All the best in your efforts to die rather than live and enjoy this beautiful creation called earth and the magic in your ability to walk and not be handicapped, the ability to see things and not just imagine out of nothing, the ability to taste and not just fed through wires and tubes, the ability to touch and feel and not lie like a dead body without feelings, the ability to smell and not just be a vegetable, the ability to hear all the melodies of gods creation and not just strain to understand through sign language .... so be thankful that u are gods special gift.... and be thankful to be normal.... coz u just cant imagine how lucky you are !!!! <br />
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Regards,<br />

tor,<br />
How do you justify your stupid Ungodly advise to Andrew??

At the very least try to commit more sins that do not require physical harm to others. Hint: steal, fornicate, blaspheme, lie.

Congratulations for living still. I´ve allwas thought it was pretty stupid to not take everything out of life you can, even if on cancer ward in Pakistan, after all, this is all you are going to get from life, if you end it abruptly the ghosts of those who died from the plague 200 yrs ago are not going to be impressed.

Do not kill yourself trust me it is not worth it,i have thought of it many times to but then in the future good things have happend and i was happy i did not go through with it and you will also hurt your family if you love them you wont make them suffer because you killed yourself over a girl dont worry you will find someone one day...i know you will cause i am kinda like you,im all about love too but you will find love when your older not now..i know it seems like you love someone i feel like that all the time but trust me you will find love when your a little bit older:)

Hi Andrew - i can understand what you are saying... if the pain you feel is too great for you to bear and you cannot continue - then it is your right to off yourself. don't worry about what is left behind... that is not the point of suicide. You need to do what is best for you... selfish as that may sound. Try not think about what happens after you are gone... it will not matter to you then anyway! <br />
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I'll add one more thing.... there is no true love in this world... no matter how close you are to having found it.. that person can change thier mind and turn thier back on you without warning. if you cannot love yourself and find happiness within who you are... you will never be happy. <br />
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Good luck and let us know what happens... if you are going to check out... be sure and say bye to us first. <br />
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Hello Andrew,I am very proud of you, because you did not take your life that Sunday! It shows that you read our letters and used your brain.You have received lovely letters, specially Miriam's, No Shame and JustEnough's. All the people who wrote to you love you.Bear in mind that there is more than life on earth. Eternal life is so wonderful that you don't want to lose out on that for the rest of you existence!Tell the Lord Jesus everything that bothers you. He will always listen and remember He loves you so much that He gave His life on the cross in your and my place, so that all of us that believe in Him will receive eternal life with Him. John 3 vers 16.

Please, please do not do it. Killing yourself is a very selfish way to go. I can tell you have thought about that though since you mention your family and friends. They would be devastated. You are young and have a full life ahead of you. I have seen some of my closest friends go through the pain of finding a loved one who took his own life. There is a lot of help out there and you should seek someone that can help you. Seriously, please do. I am almost twice your age and I still have not found the love of my life yet. I still have a lot of growing up to do but I hope that one day it will happen for me. Although I am not a religious person, this is probably my favorite quote about love:<br />
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"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves." 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Hello Andrew. <br />
I am 52 years old pet .Your life is just begining I was reared in an orphanage and met my family of 9 at different stages. My sister Joan who was the eldest of us died of cancer at the age of 40 i wanted to go with her . I KNOW AND FEEL WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH. I made a promise to her that one day i would do something special for her and i am this year 15 years later . PLEASE STAY STRONG THE WORLD NEEDS YOU WITH LOVE MIRIAM X

hang in there Andrew.<br />
it gets better.

What you are feeling is not love toward this other individual. You are experiencing a make believe version of what you think love is. How can you love another person and have disliking feeling about yourself where you feel that you are better off being dead. You need to love yourself before you can love another. You will at many times experience loving feelings toward the opposite sex. Don't be so quick to give your heart and love away. You will survive and this feeling will pass. Try to find something else to live for. There is more to life for you to experience besides what is going on in the present, remember there is always somethings in life that you cannot have but you don't beat yourself up about it.

Hey Andrew, I just submitted a post titled "Madness" pretty much just for you. Check it out... - Gary

G R O W UP!!...This is N O R M A L!!

You have your whole life ahead of you. I wish I were 16 again and redo my whole life. I blew it when I was in school with a guy that asked me out and thought he was just joking. Actually I've done this more than once, never had confidence in myself to take them seriously.<br />
Don't let other people talk for you, find out things for yourself. That way you know whats really being said.<br />
Nothing is worth killing yourself over, you will hurt everyone around you and life will just go on without you in it when you could have great things just waiting for you in the future. Don't cut yourself short. You do sound depressed, you can't let other peoples feelings dictate what you will do to yourself. It sounds like you have friends, sometimes thats better than love. You are young, you will find love when the right one comes along to appreciate who you are, but be patient. That person might not come along for a few years. Your still a kid, enjoy being 16. Never make a quick decision, always think of the outcome. You are worth more to people than you probably realize. Always think ahead and believe in yourself.

Thank you all for helping me out on this one :D<br />
hugs and kisses to you all :D