Maybe It's Easier This Way

I killed my mom the day I was born, I killed her as I was born. My dad went 5 years later to pancreatic cancer. I ran away from my foster home but the cops always knew where to find me, my house that now belonged someone else. Growing up I always kept to myself, never let anyone close in on me too much, people have a knack of falling by the wayside. I find myself thinking sometimes what I'm doing here, I don't know my purpose for sticking around, I look around and there is nothing here for me, I find myself envying my parents at times. Sometimes I think about my mom and wonder if she thinks about me even though she's dead, I wonder if she knows where I am, I wonder if she worries about me. I just wish I could talk to her once, I wish I could see my dad one more time, I miss his face, day by day I forget more and more what he looked like. I wonder if they miss me, I wonder if they know that I'm still here, I wonder if they see that I suffer here everyday without them.

It was all fine for a while, I loved my job and I had an amazing girl but she's gone now too...People tend to fall by the wayside, especially those closest to me. I just wish I knew what to do, I hope that somewhere my parents think about me, I hope they know that I've tried my best and are at least a bit proud of me, but lately I just can't anymore..
lakid21 lakid21
22-25, M
1 Response May 10, 2012

If you have God in your life then why are you depressed. Let God handle everything. I wanted to kill myself when my mom was bad and kids we're teasing me at school. Do not let the bully win by killing yourself. If you do not have God in your life still don't kill yourself. Message me if you want to kill yourself because I will talk you put of it. God bless you