I Hate My Husband

I found out on 8-1-2012 that my husband has been cheating on me since Nov 2011. They were sexting then the saturday before I found out he took our family car and drove it to have real sex with her. We have struggled a lot and I truly loved him and believed in him. I thought we were "battle buddies" us against the world. But it was all a lie. He has been lying to me everyday. He would text her hundreds of times a day from 7am to 3 am. In between texting her he would send me one here and there professing his love, telling me he was just thinking of me and loved me. I hate him so much. I hate myself. I hate my kids. I just keep thinking if they just werent here I wouldnt be stuck in this impossible situation. I know that is ridiculous and I love my babies but goddamnit I want to die!! I could never let my children suffer through the pain of having a parent commit suicide but I cant take this **** anymore. All I can think about is ending it. But I effing cant!!!!! My flesh is a prison! Built with bricks of lies, mortar of despair, bars of guilt and shackles of burning anger.
fml42 fml42
Sep 17, 2012