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i don't think i would actually do it. it would hurt and be messy. but jesus, i think about it everyday. how i would do it. what i would write in a letter. i feel like there is no way out. 

pinkpaintedshirt pinkpaintedshirt
22-25, F
4 Responses Mar 8, 2010

mollyq: ive been thinking about sucide but your right the questions stop me, i could be holding a gun to my head, or have a handful of pills then questions pop up like who will find me, what will they do, how will peope react, what am i leaving behind and each time the pills go back in the container and the gun back in the closet.

it good to express it even if it is to the faceless internet ...still tho its a hard feeling to bet by yourself... I tried telling my friends once but they couldn’t except and bailed but I think im better off without them really ...ya need the right kind of support for this kind of thing...some days im find totally happy with myself but its just before I go to sleep is when it gets me...I don’t even no how to describe it. A lonely feeling. This is crazy because I have people around me that love me. Thank you for your post on my experience and I do appreciate your advice.

mollyq, ya, i totally agree. i wish i didnt have people close to me that would feel bad. but we do. and they care. i hope you are feeling better. at the moment im not. but it was good to express it, anyway. thank you.

i no that feeling...but what stops me is all the questions...who ll find you...who it would effect... what to leave behide...a letter...saying what? sometimes i wish i didnt have anybody close to me so i wouldnt feel so so so bad about the constant thoughts about doing it...