Whatever, Whenever.

There are so many things to explain and notate for any one relationship and how far they say or actually would go for love. Variables and the such. 

I literally went thousands of miles for it. I sacrificed everything that I know in exchange for the totally foreign. I left behind a not so great life in Southern California, so that aspect does not count as much as it could for other people. I was glad to be leaving and rarely miss that aspect. I had to leave some of my bad habits and traits back in SoCal. Which, I was glad to do. They keep trying to come back at me, but I am doing my best to keep those little demons out of my life. Sunday, one of them came back in for a bit, and now has done some major damage, so it seems.

How far is that? Not far at all. For a shot at loving someone truly unique and being with someone who is new, challenging, funny, charming as all hell, and sometimes rather difficult...totally worth it. I won't sit here and tell you that I have done my best for love, as that would not be true. That is an area in which I have always been a big chicken, and needs more work.

What I can tell you is: the distance, effort, sacrifice that I have made so far is nothing in comparison to what I can and would do for it, going forth. I was given what I wanted, and for some reason did not do what I said I would with it. For that, I am in total regret and sorry as holy hell. Do-over, perhaps?

You have to understand that love is not always ideal, perfect, fuzzy and the like. It can be a harsh mistress. You must be ready to own up and really do some big things. How far would you go? What work, effort, and time would you rock out when it comes to this stuff?

Meg and I have both made some big steps together and it has been fun and really tough at times. I can only hope some of my recent errors are something she can forgive and perhaps tear down that wall that has been put up.

How far would I go for this? To quote PM Dawn: "I'd sacrifice whatever baby, whenever baby."

Good luck folks, I hope you are doing better in this area than am I.

update: All the words in the kingdom don't mean ****. I am told I ****** it up, and so it is. I own it. 

EricS EricS
36-40, M
9 Responses Mar 5, 2009

I'd probably go to Alhambra, or at least Rosemead.

well, owning up to it is a good way to get back into her heart. and she is pretty smart. she will know if you are sincere. <br />
but you have to know, that you can't take advantage of someone's kindness and grace that they will extend you out of pure love and devotion. as long as you know that, I think she will be all in. But, don't be a fake. Don't manipulate her. and if you **** up again, if you can't seem to get it together and still keep hurting her, be storng and leave her alone.<br />
I wish you both the very best.

I am trying. Now it looks like I have pushed it and her so far away that...bah. You get the idea. <br />
<br />
If she wants to love me and be with me again/still...I'd be a happy camper. But I can understand why she would not want to...I did, said, and acted in terrible form. Period.

This is honest and doesn't sugar coat anything about trying to make something work. Love isn't always the flowery I love You Baby let's ignore the world and run away together sort of thing. Your willingness to admit just how hard this is will help you keep moving ahead. Take another risk. Let her love you.

...yeah. =/

love is patient love is kind. just remember to offer her the same.<br><br />
dude, you can quote PM Dawn-how could she not adore you, which leads to forgiveness. <br><br />
we all make mistakes. learn and don't make them again, it is really very simple and I am sure she will be understanding. Great story man, inspiring. Thank you for sharing :-)

I'm trying to keep the air flowing.

I hope so too. <br />
<br />
Back to the drawing board, I suppose.

Eric - thank you. Love is NOT always the funny, butterflies mushy gushy stuff. It is hard work. I need a reminder of that - and if it's worth my love I have to put the effort into it. <br />
<br />
This is a great story. I hope you two work it out.