A Pathetic 135 Pounds

i love junk food and when i lose weight i stuff my face to the point i end up puking everything back up but eat all over again (yes i have a problem) but i kinda gain some weight for a little while - mostly food weight and then i jujst lose it again. its seriously as if i cant gain weight. im happy when i exercise and i walked 23 miles today and ate a lot of fast and fattening food. i got home and ate dinner which pushed it a little too far and i emptied but still.. i ate a lot today but fear i burnt off a lot more :
Hmm... sucks!

So do you get into an eating frenzy that you can't stop? It sounds like you eat so much sometimes that your body literally has to purge some of it. I love eating binges. I get into an eating frenzy, but I usually hold all the food in no matter the pain. I guess I've purged three times in my life after such an eating frenzy and after those I went and ate until I was full again. How can you develop some measure that you can use to stop the eating binge before you reach the puking point? Would a tape measure help? Do you like that overfilled feeling or does that make you want to puke? Is it easy for you to make yourself puke? Perhaps you like your control of puking? Does that excite you while making you worry about gaining weight when you want to gain some? I k now that's a bunch of questions. Think about them. --HXTP

yuup i cant stop and my stomach is small... i can consume like up to 14000 calories in a binge which is woowwwwww!
i dunno but its out of control but soooo good lol...
yhhh overfilled feeling and my stomach ssticks rriiigghhhtttttt out!
hey i dont ever make myself puke.. never self induced.. my stomach just rejects it so i refill it!
no no nooooo i ******* hate puking its horrible and ugh! nastyyyy!!
umm as long as i dont become super fat lol.. i wanna be.. podgy... lol

I think the walking gives you control you crave. Does that sound right to you or is there some other part to it? Okay the next questions are weird, so don't get offended. Does the eating to the point of puking arouse you? How are your control over your self and arousal related? ()Yes, I'm asking about sexual arousal.) What sorts of things make you feel guilty (such as overeating, over-exercising, puking, cutting)? If these questions bother you, you don't have to answer them, but maybe you can write about why they bother you? An alternative might be to move this discussion to a more private channel if you'd prefer that. --HXTP

And does your girl friend see you eating this much? Have you revealed this to anyone else? I think you have to take some responsibility for binging that much because that leads to puking. No wonder you puke though! So you have an idea how much you can eat in a binge. Maybe you should punish yourself by only binging to the point that you can hold it in an see yourself get a little fat for a while. Also, how exciting it it when your gut it that bloated? Are you aroused by the size and fullness and then you accept the punishment of the purge? I know some of this is strange, and I can see some parallels from my experiences, but I don't want to generalize from mine. I also don't want to push you somewhere you don't want to go. So ask me questions if you want me to tell you more about myself and don't answer things where I push too hard. You have control over what you want to reveal and talk about here. You can tell me to avoid things that you want to talk about. --HXTP

I like being slim.. not skinny.. hate skinny.. i literally look in the mirror at my body and cry... I dont wanna be fat but i want to be bigger than this.. when my weight goes up im like yaaay but have minor panic attacks wen it goes down.

I cant exercise coz then i lose weight really fast. :( Ansd if i try eat that often my stomach rejects it :(

exercise builds muscle and muscle weighs more then fat, yes you will lose weight in the beginning but i promise you with the right diet and exercise you will gain weight